On Fathers Day

I will be out of town with family for the next 10 days, so this will be last post until June 25. Those few who labor to read me, please don't go away forever!
The occurrence of Fathers Day causes me to consider several issues. One, that my son's father has never seen him or spoken to him, much less inquired about his well being. In my sons 21 years of life, his father has made no financial or emotional contribution. That being said, I have never been bitter nor resentful to the fact that as a doctor, he had the financial resources to help, but didn't. Friends have asked why I never sued him for support. At the time, when my son was a baby, I was so consumed in the gift of having a child and all the wonders of it; I just couldn't be bothered with anything that might make it a negative experience. As he grew, we had some rocky times financially. But with family help we always had everything we needed. And there were also emotionally rough times…all those family trees in early school years always demanded explanations as to why our family structure was different then most. But in the end, I had the gift of a child to rise and to love. His father made his choice and that was to not participate. His choice…..he just decided he wouldn't have a son. I often wonder what his life is like now; I think his lack of responsibility must weigh heavy on his heart. Or not.

I watch my best friend L struggle with his life now that his children live several hours away from him. On one hand, I doubt Fathers Day is any different from any other to him. It's another day away from his kids, regardless of the date. I think all a man wants on Fathers Day is more time with his children. But on the other hand, it hurts to think he will spend that day alone, when he should be celebrated as a wonderful Dad. He struggles for his time with them, from the 10 hours of driving to spend a weekend with them, to the serious financial considerations of divorce. But… he is there, as much as possible . He is there for his children for the bad times; when they hate him, misunderstand him, mistrust him, question his faith…..and for the good times; when despite it all they love him deeply, just don't know how to show it without choking on learned pride. A man who is a father, is a father for life. Divorced, married, single, absent…... Each decides what kind of Father he will be. It's the mark of the man.

Waiting

A poem about a recent early morning wait....

I close my eyes, I wait, I wait

To fall asleep, I wait

Until it's time, I wait

To hear your step, I wait,

To feel your breath, I wait

To have your love , I wait

I wait.

Global Warning?

Its so odd, the way there have been so many weather related tragedies the last few days. Here in the South, we have moaned and complained that we need rain and it is too hot. Then I read about the horrors in the Midwest associated with too much rain. Floods, people drowning, levees breaking….makes me feel guilty for wishing for a bit of that rain. I am sure they have wished for some dry heat like the South and east is experiencing…and I see that 17 people have been lost in heat related deaths. And today there is the sad news of the loss of 4 boy scouts in a horrific tornado. It seems there are extreme weather related circumstances going on all over this country. Global warming? We finally had our first drops of rain yesterday, hopefully enough ...but my worries over tomato plants seems so trivial now.

Gifts

This is L's gift to me for my birthday which was this past winter. I knew he was building me an easel...something I have always wanted, but had never quite found the right one, nor one I could afford. I wasn't sure what was taking so long, until I he brought it over this weekend. He made this for me out of some cherry wood that he had in his workshop. The detail in the picture shows beautiful hand-carved pieces of contrasting woods. I know it will eventually be covered in slashes of paint. Although I will try to keep it clean, I know it won't stay that way ..... my coffee table and dining room table, both bear the details of past paintings I have done. I have used everything from my mantel with nails poked in it, to a stool standing on a table to hold my canvases. Now I really feel like an artist, with a custom hand made, hand carved and hand waxed easel. I think this easel is beautiful and is as much a work of art as any canvas it will ever hold. God gives us many talents, from carving and working with wood, to writing and painting. I thank God for his gift to Larry and I thank Larry for his gift to me.







Oh, and did I mention that he bakes ?

Hanging On

Daylilies...........although they are one of the most carefree, near "weed", and prolific multipliers, are one of my most favorite plants. Even the common orange street side variety captures my attention. In China, some varieties of daylilies are used in the kitchen, There is a yellow variety that is considered a delicacy and is used in a type of golden soup. I love to pair orange flowers with blue in the garden. You can see blue plumbago in the background in this picture. The plumbago is struggling; it should be three times as big as it is now. It is struggling to survive from being wintered over, I know its not usually done and is rarely successful, but I can't bring myself to pitch a plant that still breathes. I am coming to realize I am a person who has a hard time giving it up, in all walks of life. I dragged my marriage out till it was painful before I accepted it wasn't going to survive. I can't accept that my son is an adult and does not need me to nurture (torture) him any longer. I struggle to hold on to things way past the end. Daylilies bloom, flourish and die all in one day. It amazes me that something so beautiful yet so simple is here one minute and gone the next. Like people in your life. One minute you hold it in your hand; the next minute it's gone. How about you, do you hold on..... Or do you let go?

The Best Thing About Having a Party

Having a party out of obligation isn't the best thing in the world. In this case, a baby shower. I rarely volunteer for office functions...just because no matter what every one intends; i.e. everyone will chip in, everyone will help clean up, we will all bring something, etc etc....the reality is no one will help you, everyone forgets to bring their food, and you always come up short of money to pay for it. Nevertheless, because the object of this shower has been a great employee and has really helped me out by doing her work, I felt like this was one I wanted to participate in. So, I boldly volunteered my house. Eventually, it gravitated towards my house as well as I make all the food and they pay for it. Which was also fine with me. I am funny about eating food, when I don't know the condition of the kitchen it came out of, nor the habits of the cook. I always discretely ask "who made this" before eating anything that appears at my office. It all worked out pretty well. The best thing isn't that you have an entire house clean at one time. That is really nice, but its less then 24 hours later and it's beginning to get that lived in look already. Also we have torn up 2 closets looking for stuff we hid away while "cleaning". And the best thing isn't you get to keep all the left over food. Truthfully, I really don't want to see any of that food again. I had a difficult time even eating it at the shower; just the 200 hundred bites I sampled while making it all was plenty for me. And it wasn't even getting to keep all the beautiful flowers. I love flowers, and even these that were not my style of pale pinks, have a welcome place in my house.

No, the best part of having a party is having this and coffee for breakfast. Can't beat it.

Going Green

We are going green at my house......trying to anyway. I keep reading how every little bit helps, so we are trying, in baby steps, to be more conscientious in our re-use of stuff. I quit buying paper napkins, and we use cloth. I figure they can be thrown in the washing machine that is being run anyway. I am not quite ready to forgo paper towels though. I use them so much, I don't know what could replace them. I also quit using the grocery stores bags, both paper and plastic. I never could get a clear answer on which had the less negative impact; so I bought the 99 cent reusable bags that most of the stores sell now. I think they should give them to you . You go in and pick up a few things for dinner and WHAM!! ...$100 just like that. The least they could do is throw in a 99 cent bag for free. We have started recycling now that my neighborhood has a good program . I used to generate a lot of garbage. I had to empty my inside garbage bag once every day or so. Now, since we no longer put in glass, cans, or plastic, it takes me a week to fill it up. At least I don't have to take the garbage out as much. But then the whole thing seems futile, when I listen to my air conditioner. I have been home for about 3 hours, have it set on 75..and it hasn't shut off yet. Ridiculous heat. Waste of energy. Can't wait to see what June Alabama Power has in store for me. At least doubled , I bet....sigh.

This was my sons recycle stuff. Mostly soft drinks, which he claims he no longer drinks. These cans he saved from last summer, til he could find a source to recycle them to.

Now this one is mostly my recycling. Strangely, it is mostly beer bottles (not all mine) and Listerine. Go figure.

Todays Before and After

Just pics today...no yakking!!!

Before.....

After.....

Beyond Blogging

I have had so much going on lately, I have not had much time to blog. Also , I just have not had a lot to say lately. Between Son being home and work and summer yard work...time is tight. You notice that 3 months ago, I couldn't wait to "garden". Now I refer to it as yard work. By August I don't even want to look outside; I pine away for winter. To pass the down time I thought I would post a few before and afters. These are of my yard and house and show the changes that have been made over the last year. Todays is the back right corner of my yard. Some of you may not be able to tell them apart...so I labeled them for you!!

Before.......

After......