Mother's Day...

I decided to get my Mom something this year for Mothers Day that she really wanted...books. She loves to read; but she also has trouble sleeping. In her 83 short years she has had her share of tragedy. She lost her husband at the age of 39; with 3 kids, she had never had a job, couldn't even drive a car... she was the last of the true southern belles. I know my Dad thought he took "care" of her by doing everything for her. Little did he know, he should have done more to prepare her to do it on her own. She survived that loss at such an early age, learned to drive within weeks, got a job that she had for over 33 years, and put all three of us through college. She is the Mom of all Moms. I doubt that she knows I feel that way. She recently bore the loss of my brother, to suicide. I thought she would never make it through that. But here she is; never to recover, but able dig down and find the strength to find reasons each day to live. She struggles with sleep though...she resorts to reading to carry her through the nights and save her from her own thoughts. So for Mothers Day this year, instead of the usual clothes or jewelry; I decided to get her lots of books. I hope she enjoys them and I hope she finds peaceful dreams. Happy Mothers day to all you Moms out there. And also to you single dads, some of whom are every bit the greatest parent possible.

Spring

I know I have said it a few times before...but, I love Spring! I don't much care for the heat, but these few weeks before the 90 to 100 degree weather arrives are crucial to my well being. The warm mornings thaw the memories of the cold gray days of winter. The spring breeze blows the new leaves as they seem to dance on the branches that are their stage. My yard is small and young, meaning the previous owner of this house wasn't much of a gardener. This is my second spring here, but I can already see some major changes. I will post some before and afters over the next few weeks.


This is the front of my house 18 months ago. My sister and I were in the process of hanging the lattice to cover the open side of the garage. Note the "square bush" to the right of the front door.


In the spring of last year, I dug up the square bush. It also took a few whacks with a chainsaw to get it out of the ground. Why people prune bushes into squares; I don't know.....I prefer a more natural look (like maintenance free and unpruned!)



This was taken at the end of last summer.....I planted knock-out roses and a confederate jasmine. You can see the jasmine vine at the bottom of the column on the right side. It was about 2 feet tall when I planted it. I also pruned the "corners" off the bushes on the left; they also were squared off and I hated them.

What a difference a year makes! The jasmine has grown that much in less than 1 year! And the blooms perfume the air all around the front of the house. You can't see but in the top corner of the jasmine sits a birds nest. Those eggs should be hatching any day now.

The Birds

I know I have posted a lot of bird pictures lately...but there is something about being able to watch the spring nesters that has really caught my interest this year. I have always had a lot of houses and feeders, etc, but this year I seem to have more birds nesting than usual. This nest is right by my deck where we can sit, drink a beer or two, and watch the daily drama unfold. We watched the male pick out the house ( he had a choice between 4), he courted and then unabashedly mated the female right in front of us. Now they have laid and hatched 2 eggs that we can see. They seem to have gotten quite used to us coming and going and show no fear of our presence. Yesterday we watched the feeding frenzy that goes on throughout the day. This female has made hundreds of trips back and forth feeding her babies and I was lucky enough to catch a wide open mouth in the doorway. You can also see the eyes of the second baby reflecting the light. How cute is that ?

No More Pruning

Every shrub in my yard appears to be a maternity ward....I hear babies peeping whenever I get too close to the birdhouses that are scattered all over my yard, and every bush I look into has nests. It looks like condo city in some of the fuller shrubs. The doves seem to be still sitting on the nests while most of the smaller species have already hatched. The one in the picture seemed totally undisturbed by my presence, so I could not resist getting my camera. I guess my spring pruning can wait a few more weeks.

I know this is boring, but....

BEFORE

AFTER
AFTER

Just a quick update...I have been working on the aforementioned brick work....and I am posting a very poorly shot before and after. It will look better after I have filled and planted it, one hopes, anyway. I have to tell you though, with exception of the hauling, working with bricks and mortar is really fun...a back breaker but fun. I am now planning on devoting some time to new plantings, but NO more major projects. I want time to enjoy my new back yard before it gets to hot to be outside. Then once the heat is back, I plan to start painting again. The best laid plans......

Absence

Sorry for the brief absence; spring has just stepped up to claim her allocation of my time. I have spent my weekends and evenings in my yard. L and I have been working on my storage and garage organizing....it has always been a mess. Soon I will have a workbench, a place for my potting stuff, as well as storage for my tools. Also, I have new yard project which involves bricks and mortar! I will post some pictures of my projects when I can. I am a fan of before and after photos, I think you can really see your results when you study a photo. I just wanted to take a few minutes to explain my absence..I haven't quit my blog, just taking a gardening break for a few days!!!

Family Day

I had a family "party"on Sunday. My family came from various parts of the state for an afternoon of good food, good company and good conversation. We ranged in ages from 23 to 83, with 1 puppy and one blind dog. We laughed the better part of the day, mostly at the puppy. He trashed my house, dug up my newly emerging hostas and ran through my new screen door, but still...I had to laugh! It was a good day.

Two Things

Two things made today a nice day. One...that is a picture of my dining room table. I haven't seen it in quite a while. It has been buried under stuff for most of the past few months. Usually its papers and mail piled up, waiting for attention. Its my filing system; I always know where stuff is..look on the dining room table. Recently, its been buried under hammers and paint cans and
drills; the most recent tools of my spring projects. But, my family is coming to visit on Sunday. We are all meeting at my house for a few hours to have a meal together. My sister, her son, and my mom will drive down from Birmingham; while my niece and her husband will stop on their way home from a wedding in North Carolina. Even though we won't have but a few hours together, I am looking forward to it. This is the first time since I moved into this house that I have had any guests ( in multiple numbers anyway). My whole house, tiny though it is, is clean from top to bottom. Papers have been filed away, taxes mailed, tools put out in the garage....everything is in its place. I hate to admit it, but it has taken me about a week to clean it all up. Its so nice to see my dining room table! The number two thing that made today a good day, is these new dining room chairs. I have been looking for chairs for a long time and these were a great deal. They match my table like they were made together. I feel so much more relaxed when my house is semi orderly. Now, I'm worried about where everything is !!

Pure Joy

I think this is one of those moments when a picture speaks a thousand words. So, all I need to say here is Edy's (Low Fat no less) ...if you love dreamsicles then you will love this. I NEVER thought I would like any ice cream without chocolate in it, on it, rippled through or chunked in. But this, is a bowl full of delight. By the way it makes a great dinner, so it probably would work for breakfast also!

Weekend Project

This was my weekend project...one I have wanted to do since I moved into this house a yea and a half ago. The problem was there was no power in the back yard and i just didn't like the idea of running extension cords under the deck. So a few days ago L put in an outdoor outlet and somehow made there it live with power...now I can plug in mt lights on my umbrella and I finally got to set up my fountain. My Mom gave me this fountain as a house warming present for the first house I ever bought. It got married with me and

traveled to a new house and got divorced with me and traveled to this house. I love the sound of the trickle of water. It is relaxing and the birds love to drink out of it.

Below is a close up, so you can see that he isn't peeing, but holding a fish by the tail...the fish spits the water out. His leg is cracked and I am afraid he won't hold together much longer. But I love having it in my new garden and in whatever condition, he will always be a part of my home...wherever that may be.

Joy of Patience

Patience......I don't have any! Years ago my Mom gave me a start of her plant that she calls Walking iris. It is supposed to like wet feet and bright light. Somehow, despite this, hers thrives in pots in a window rather than outside by a boggy area. That's my Mom's green thumb prevailing! She has always shared starters of her plants with me and my sister over the years. We always "wrote off" her starters because they were always tiny little sprigs of a plant, which sometimes take years to reach a decent size. For someone who loves gardening as much as I do, I am short on patience. I am the type who wants a full mature garden instantly..the day I plant it. I look out everyday to see if the little plants that came out of a one inch cube are now lush and overgrown. I buy the biggest plants I can afford rather then wait a few extra weeks..they always seem the same size if you just save your money and wait patiently for a few more weeks. But the most rewarding of the two is the one you wait for. The one that takes forever to have its first bloom. I have had this small pot of her Walking Iris since I got my divorce and moved into my own home. This is its first bloom. It is a tiny bloom, but magnificent in detail. And there are two more buds, patiently waiting to make an appearance. Patience.

Easter Joy

Sitting out on my deck Easter morning we observed the following progression of pictures. First , he did a fly by of the house, then hopped closer, then was brave enough to look in the door, and finally he entered and made a quick check of the perks of being a homeowner.

And in the end......he got the girl!!

Weekend Joy; A New power Tool

Well, it is really a replacement...my power sander exploded last fall while sanding a butcher block island. It was actually more of a meltdown. So L and I went to Home Depot for spring project supplies; i.e light fixtures for the deck, and a new screen door. He bought me a new sander (which we needed for the door project) that is a few notches better then the one I used to use. The screen door project is one I have been wanting to do for the last year. I love screen doors and porches. Unfortunately I don't have a porch on my little house; my deck is the closest thing I have and I can't do anything about that. But a screen door, well it doesn't really fit the house, but I really wanted one anyway. My bedroom has a door that opens out onto the back deck so it was a perfect place. I love the sound a screen door makes when it slaps shut. There is just something nostalgic about the sound of the spring as it opens followed by the slap of wood when it shuts. Hopefully the weather well allow a few weeks of cool nights before the wicked summer heat starts. With a ceiling fan and screen door, at least I will take a bite out of the air conditioning bill.

Early Morning Joy

Yesterday I bought a new palm at Lowes. They had them on sale for $9.99 and I have an empty corner in my living room that needs a tenant. This morning when I woke up and came in the room, the sun was shining through the door on the palm making the most beautiful patterns. Each frond is a work of art, each different, yet each staying true to form to what nature intended it. After 15 minutes the show was over....the light had crept on across the floor and once again the palm was a palm. Art in a pot.

Today I Found Joy at My own Front Dooor

There are many things wrong with my house. It needs a lot of updating, it had a totally bare landscape when I moved in, it sits underwater after the least amount rain ...all things which eventually I can improve; at least with a little luck and a lot of money and elbow grease! But each morning, all it takes is a glance at my front door and I remember the things I loved about the house when I bought it. Mostly, that its all mine...and mine to make into whatever I want. A home, a retreat, a studio, a workshop, some days its a refuge, some days its a cave, most days its my hidden garden . But this front door is the door to all these havens...it faces the east and every morning reflects the rising sun off its bevels like a hundred prisms. You can't see them in the photo, but the reds and blues make dancing fairies all over the room as the sun makes its ascent. My house is my home and my joy.

Todays Joy: $5.99 Tulips from the Grocery Store

I think I have posted most the topics I can post off my list "100 Things I Love About Larry". There are actually 102 at the moment and it will probably continue to grow and I still have a few more things I want to say about Larry. But many of the topics are just too personal to post for the public to read. Some just too directly relate to his life and I don't want to cross the line of cyber-privacy (although I doubt there is one). The purpose of my writing about him in the first place was a self assigned lesson. Certainly not an original idea in blog-space, it was a transition for me between getting a divorce and merging back into the real world. In a bitter time of accusations and claiming ownership of stuff and bickering phone calls; the best therapy for me was simple joy. For some reason I was not able to find it in myself. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, I have held the same job for many years , I am independent, I am a decent artist.....I am all these things but I still needed someone else to validate me. Larry made it easy for me. He just mirrors me....he makes me see my self for who I am. I love him. I have loved writing about him and each post helps me see what brings me joy in life. And I hope I am not through writing about Larry, not yet anyway yet. I hope there is more time with him. But, I think I need to develop the joys that I find in myself. I need to be able to pull a joy out on my own; when Larry isn't here to show it to me. I think I might have other things to write about. And I want to paint more and maybe share that here. So to the half dozen or so readers out there, if they are still lhere...a little change in format is coming up!

42. That he is so honest

He does tell his truths, no matter how painful they may be. He will not lie to me in order to make me perceive things different then they really are. Which is, eventually, a good thing. I say eventually... right now things could seem better. Life is hard, and our history makes it harder. There is a reason for everything; if we just ever figure out what that is.
And....... well that's all I have to say about this.

41. When he walks in the door from work

Larry doesn't live with me unfortunately; our lives and families dictate that we live some miles apart. He does, however, work daily in my town, so we see each other as often as possible. When I got divorced, I declared that was my last marriage. I decided I could have love and sex without being married. I could have companionship and a partner without being married. I could have someone to go out with and someone to be my best friend without being married. I could have someone to share the world and ups and downs of life with, without being married. I forgot one thing. I forgot about that moment when he comes "home" from work.... that moment when the key hits the lock. (well for us its knock on the door, but still). That moment when you first meet eyes after a day of other distractions and issues. That moment when all seems right with the world. The moment when he comes home.

40. That he fixed my lawn mower

Last year, my Mom gave me her lawn mower. It was almost new, top of the line and pricey as mowers go. She is 83, can run circles around me and loves to work in her yard. But,we decided she was too old to handle a mower, and hired her a lawn guy. So I inherited the mower for my newly acquired little house following my divorce. The mower was as advanced as a car; only problem was I couldn't start it. My ex worked on it a few times and got it so we could run it a little. Enough to get through last summer...part of it anyway.Since then it has sat in my garage, mocking me every time I walked by, laughing that it didn't have to actually do any work.
Every so often, I would give the starter a yank, but...it wasn't having any of that. It became one of those things that really annoyed me. I needed it and wanted it to start when I needed it! But I also have a battle of the budget going on, so I never seem to have the extra money to take it in to get it looked at. Well this weekend we had beautiful spring weather. I worked on my garden wall ivy which is pictured below. I needed to mow some early weeds that were cropping up. Larry tried one more attempt to get it to run! Lots of paper towels later and the smell of gasoline in the air and the sound of a starting lawn mower was as the happiest sound I have heard in awhile! Finally, finally I have my mower and it makes me so happy...I saved some money and I

















have it when I need it ! I looked forward to that trip to the mower shop about like I look forward to a trip to the car mechanic. Step through the door and hear the cha-ching of the cash register; extra charge for being female and knowing nothing about motors! Some jobs are just jobs for men... and motors are one of them !
Now I almost look forward to spring yard work. As soon as my college son gets home for the summer, he has an almost new working lawn mower!!!

39. That he can laugh at the poop talk

Okay...if you can't tolerate bathroom talk, then leave now! If you are young and don't know what its like to need the bathroom NOW, meaning within the next 7 seconds, then you won't identify with this post. If you or someone you know hasn't had their gall bladder removed, then you need not read further. If you have never had a boyfriend who used the words upset tummy (and expected you to do the same) when he really meant gut wrenching involuntary bowel evacuation, then this won't amuse you. If you talk loud so no one else in the room (or across the room) will hear the gurgling sounds coming from your lower belly, then this will be a meaningless post. If you have never turned around and gone all the way back home in between errands, because your lunch has had a full 13 minutes to digst and is readyto show its face again, then you won't get this. And if you have never put a sticker on your butt that read "Danger Zone", then this probably isn't up your alley either. But if you have had gallstones (approx 70 % of women ....female, fat, fertile and forty, is the profile my doc gave me...gee thanks) and have had your gall bladder removed then you can probably relate. And you would really appreciate Larry. He doesn't make me say upset tummy, he lets me say I gotta poo within the next 7 seconds or you will regret it. Because I can do all these things and he understands. And we laugh about it.

38. On a Lighter note.....

I probably shouldn't admit to this one. Larry likes his lager type beers...like Guinness. I am more of wine or girlie martini drinker. I will drink a beer here and there, only if the weather is hot and the beer is icy.This past summer he kept telling me I would have to try Octoberfest when it came out. When it finally hit the store in the fall I bought a six pack to try. Then I bought another. I was under the impression it would be available the whole month of October, so I only bought one at a time. Then one day I went in for my weekly six pack, and ...it was Winter Lager! I got the grocery store man and calmly explained what I wanted. He says "sorry lady, Octoberfest is gone". Gone from your store maybe, I thought, but not gone from everywhere. Next day at work and multiple phone calls later (I hope they don't track) to every wine and beer shop in the state....There is none left! I even called the distributor to see who might have some. Costco! They said Costco had all the remaining stock. I went on my lunch break and there was a whole entire wall of it; stacked to the ceiling, case after case! I only bought 2 cases. My wallet and waist said that would have to last me. I rationed them out through the beginning of November. No other beer has made me quite as happy since. I don't know what it is about the stuff, but..thanks Larry.

37. That he came back for a kiss

This was the aha moment for me, really...It seems to most, I am sure, to be an insignificant moment. But for me it was the moment my heart passed the no turning back point. We had just finished a quick lunch one day. Larry was working and I was off for the day, so we had each arrived in our own cars. He walked me to my car, and we talked a few moments and had a kiss and finally said our goodbyes. He walked across the parking lot towards his truck and I watched him go. That's something I do when people leave, walk or drive away from me...I watch until they are out of sight. I don't know why; maybe in case its the last time I see them and I want to remember it? Anyway, as I watched him approach his truck, he suddenly did an about face, like he had forgotten something. He dodged a car or two, and strode very purposefully back to my car; I was sure he had forgotten to tell me something. But rather than say anything, he just reached through the window and held my face and leaned in for one last kiss. It was fierce. It was a kiss that had purpose. His demeanor was that of "it was something he had to do". He turned and walked away and left for work. I sat in the parking lot for quite awhile.

36. That he loves movies-in-bed-all-day days....

Spring and summer finds me out and about...always some gardening or yardwork to do. My weekends seem filled with chores, allowing little time for passive activity. Cold or rainy days.... those are the days that call me to the bed! Wether storms or cold prevails, I am easily persuaded to pass the time in bed for the day. Down quilts and fluffed pillows, junk food and wine, and movies that just delight the soul! Some people would think that is such a waste of good time. Larry can waste away a day in bed with the best of them. No guilt laid on me from him; or from me either! We haven't had the luxury of many of these days. The darn weather won't cooperate. Its been unseasonably warm so far this winter and we are having a drought, so the stormy days are lacking also. But we had a few worthy of slacking. Both were long lazy days, mixed with naps and sex and movies. We ventured out for food and drink only, and the only chores were starting the washer and dryer. The simple guiltless pleasure, out of place in these days of rushing and constant activities, brings me nothing but comforting memories. I am a cheap date; what can I say??!!?? Cross your fingers for a cold front!

35. That it was easy to think of 100 things I love about him

For valentines Day, I gave Larry the list . The whole list of 100 things I love about Larry. I am not finished posting the list yet, but I thought Valentines day would be a good occasion to give it to him. That, along with the fact that it's been awhile since I traded any gifts on Valentines Day with anyone. Not that the day is of significant importance to me....I would rather have a person who lives their love daily then one who has to be prodded by Hallmark and FTD. Still, it is more fun to be with somone on Valentines Day then to feel like the eyes of the world are looking at you for being alone. And its also fun at work to be the first one to get the roses.


I made Larry a card for Valentines Day. It was my way of saying NO to Hallmark, since the good cards that sing sappy songs were like six bucks! So I made an old fashioned card like I used to do as a child. It was actually fun to use school glue and bits of paper and ribbons. The first one I made had lots of red hearts and lacey edging made out of tissue paper. It looked like one I might have made at the age of 4. Really tacky. My second attempt was a little better, after a trip to Hobby Lobby and spending way more then $6.oo on pretty papers, ribbon, scalloped edged scissors, etc. I tied the list of 100 with a ribbon and tucked it into the heart shaped pocket. He has already seen part of the list, as he reads this blog, but it took him a little while to read through the all 100. Some of them are silliness, some are too personal to ever blog about, and most are meaningless to others. But each of the 100 things I love about Larry, represents the first true love I have ever had. I tried to love and thought I loved, but never with such complete acceptance as now. I love him for his goodness, and love him for his faults; for together they are what makes this man.

34. He helped me find my joy

I used to paint some when I was younger, especially before I was married, then divorced. I lost the desire to create something that was beautiful to me, let alone to someone else. It seemed unimportant and a waste of my time, really. Then my sister needed some art for an office she was decorating. She had a budget, and being aways broke I needed her budget money. So I produced this...


And I made a little money which was nice. But I didn't particularly enjoy painting it. It was more like a job. So I bought some new canvases, but put them aside and didn't paint for months. Not long ago, I spent a really good weekend with Larry. I don't know why it was so special, but it was just...that. Sometimes, after he leaves at the end of the weekend... and we face the long work week, I feel sad and lonely; sort of lost. But after this weekend, I felt happy, full of hope and full of joy. I want more joy in my life. I want more hope. We choose to allow joy into our lives. We choose to recognize what brings us joy. So, one thing I know is that Larry brings me joy. And I rediscovered my canvases which also bring me joy. And now I have this new painting in my bedroom. I love it.

33. The level he takes me too...

This one is hard to explain. Sorry.... but not what you were thinking. Although that's a given; some things I won't write about. Its more about a level of being that I feel when I am with him. Something different, something special. Things that normally annoy me, don't matter. I am a worry wart usually, but when I am with Larry, I seem to be in a place where the worries are put aside. They seem unimportant; they retreat to a proper perspective. The negative becomes positive. The day to day trivia remains just that. The material things in life lose their luster. The spiritual things in life shine. My days are more full of hope. My nights are more full of peaceful dreams. I used to think I knew all about love. Now I realize I never knew it at all.

32. The way he says "baby"

Enough said.

31. the way you look on your motorcycle

The first time I saw Larry on his motorcycle, I didn't recognize him. He had told me that he owned a bike, but I just didn't pick up on it for some reason...scary thoughts maybe? So I was meeting him for coffee one morning and was sitting and waiting for his truck to pull up. A motorcycle pulled up and the guy started messing with his stuff...you know, the helmet, gloves etc. He was head to toe in black leather, really sexy but at the same time a scary motorcycle dude; don't stare at him!!! I watched a few minutes until he finally got that helmet off, climbed off the bike and looked up and smiled at me. For once I wished there was a crowd watching to see who he came to sit with...me! He looks gorgeous all the time anyway, but there's something about a guy on a motorcycle....It's like a uniform; they always say women love a man in a uniform. Maybe he can drag out his old navy uniforms? I think I will just settle for the leathers!

30. That he accepts responsibility for family issues

You know, it took me near a year before I quit blaming my ex for most of the issues which led to our divorce. I still like to throw the really nasty stuff into his corner. The issues I have finally accepted as my own fault ( and there are many), have become lessons for my future life. As I live and breath, I will never try to change a man again, I will never feign indifference as a way to get even, and I will never underestimate the lack of faith in one partner.
Larry has always accepted responsibility for his divorce, as well as for the issues that led to the disintegration of his relationship. Even the parts that aren't exactly his burden to bear, he accepts. The anguish of losing influence over his children is taking a particularly heavy toll. He struggles with his guilt as his family loses their way and struggles with their faith. He blames the misguidance of the children on his absence. In truth, it is probably lack of guidance of any kind, rather then misguidance. In truth, most young adults go through a period in their lives when they reject most everything they have been taught; spirituality, politics and morals. Its part of growing up and accepting your own responsibilities. You must have faith that they will come back to what you have taught them. You must have faith in the groundwork that you laid. You must have faith that the doctrines they have adopted are not truly the ones in their hearts. They are just the walls they build to protect them from pain and loss. Walls can be knocked down.

29. the way he looked sitting at breakfast this morning

Some people don't fare so well first thing in the morning. I usually need some time to wake up so my eyes both open together, put on a bit of makeup and brush my hair, which tends to get wild during the night. I think my hair must go off on its own and party all night because in the morning it always looks like it has been out on a binge. This morning we sat over breakfast of coffee, toast, and bacon ...what could possibly be better in the morning? (Sex maybe?.... but still with coffee, toast and bacon.) I looked across the table to see Larry sitting there, the morning light still soft, but those eyes of his were radiant. He looked so good. I sat there, urging myself to tell him. But I sat there in silence. What is WRONG with me, that I let an opportunity go by to tell some one I love how beautiful he looks??I thought all day about why I didn't say something; he would have said it to me and does many times. He always has the right words, asks the right questions...but I blew a simple chance to tell him something that was true and nice. So, I am so sorry Larry. You looked wonderful this morning sitting at my table in the soft morning light. I wish I had told you so. You looked damn good.

28. He let me go through his stuff

When people are sick and don't feel well they will generally let you do anything. Illness just demands that you be easily manipulated....not enough energy to protest! And given he has spent a week or so in bed, there was laundry and cleaning to be done at my friends house. I did ask permission first....Urged Larry to dose up on NyQuil and had fun cleaning. I cleaned and vacuumed, and being fastidious as I am, did some major reorganizing. If you are going to clean shelves, you have to empty them first, right? And go through everything? All kidding aside, I really didn't snoop unnecessarily. And I didn't find anything much to go through. Bits and pieces. So either there are no goods (unlikely) or the evidence is well stashed (likely). But the point was, Larry didn't once come out to check on me or sneak up on me to see what I was doing. I think in all honesty, he felt too bad to care. But, I would rather think that the boundaries of his life are widening.

27. That he tells me stories about his life

I love to listen to Larry tell a story. Especially if it is one about his own experiences. He is a good "one time when......" person. Sometimes his stories are just simple expressions of something he remembers from his childhood. Like something his Mom used to make for him to eat or something he and one of his brothers did. Its funny how you remember what you ate when you were a kid. I don't remember a whole lot about when I was really young, but I think I remember everything I ate. My favorite treat as a kid was a saltine cracker with a marshmallow on it, then you run it under the broiler til browned to your satisfaction. It works with stale mini-marshmallows if that's all you have (and you have been on a diet for 2 weeks).
Back to the topic......Some stories from his many years in the Navy. They are usually the more reckless things he did in life but he tells them without regret. Many of his stories are from his pre-divorce days, stories about living as part of a huge family. Over all, they are the stories of his life. They are the bits and pieces of who he is. When he shares them I feel like he is filling me in on what I have missed so far. I hope I don't miss anymore.

26. That he shares what I am drinking

I love it when he shares whatever I am drinking. I always offer to get him whatever he wants. Sometimes he won't say no to his Guinness, and its not likely for me to be drinking beer. Unless its Sam Adams in October, but thats a whole different love story. Anyway, if he isn't in a beer mood, often he will just sip on my glass of wine or whatever I have. Its funny that such a little "thing" would seem so intimate. To one person, it might seem like nothing, but to me it is very warm and personal. It is a comfort to pass the glass back and forth. Maybe its just a reassurance that " I like what you like". Share my drink, share my life, share my love.

25. For no reason

Really I couldn't figure out the title of this one. The truth of the matter is I love Larry for who he is ( I heard that e-harmony man on the TV ad one too many times) and what he has and what he does and nothing more. I think back on my "love" for my ex husband. I think I really loved him for what I thought he could have been. He could have dressed better, acted nicer, had a nicer house, been a little softer around the edges. I thought I could fix all those things. Then he wouldn't have been him though would he. I have to accept some responsibility for the demise of that union. Larry though.... is different. He has some life circumstances that put him in some very tough living conditions. He deals with it all as best he can. But he doesn't let his problems define the man that he is. You know what you are getting and I love him for who he is. Just like he is.... no frills. He is perfect.

24. That he always tells me that I look pretty

Even when I know I can't possibly....even when I know I ate 3 dozen cookies in the last week and must have gained 5 pounds......even when I had to have a jazzy new haircut, but couldn't wait for trained professionals, so I cut it myself (jazzy doesn't quite describe)......even when I had a bad spell and didn't sleep for 5 days in a row....even when I forget I am wearing my red with rhinestone drugstore readers (hey that was all they had)....he always says "you look so beautiful". I believe it every time.

New years Day...sorry Larry, this one's not about you!

On New Years day, I always take down my Christmas tree. As I was undecorating and packing ornaments, it occurred that my ornaments tell a brief story of my life. My earliest ornaments from when I first lived on my own, are no longer in existence; undoubtedly rejects and cheap hastily bought decor that only lasted a few years. When I first began to take Christmas decorations seriously, I began investing in expensive Radko ornaments. They are hand made, exquisite and run $40 to $75 each. In those days I had money to waste on ornaments and no children to destroy them.
Then I had a baby, and the yearly "look what I made for you" ornaments began. Marked by that years smiling face, they are the most precious of all my keepsakes. I hang these all at the front of the tree, where I see them every time I pass. Next, the annual ornament choices turned to what a young child would select. Santas, stuffed ornaments, many animals. These represent a mishmash of thoughts in a childs head!
Through the lean years of being a single mom, I would paint or make ornaments. I thought they looked pretty good mingled with the $50 ones...they look better buried behind the lights and branches! I still hang them, but towards the back! Then I got married. For some reason every ornament I bought or someone gave to me, was representative of my life. The red truck , to mirror our red pickup, the blue boat we fished in, lots of fishing ornaments, even a few camouflage for my husband (now my ex ). I hang them all in the back...the camo one I left behind.


I don't even want to guess what period of my life these ornaments represent....all food items; go figure!!

This year I added a Christmas pickle ( for good luck) and a tomato because I like tomatoes??


Packed away til next year...I can only wonder what I will add next year! The Best of New Years to All..and thanks to all my new blog friends for the input and comments!

Happy 2008

As 2008 quietly arrives, I remember early 2007; I was just divorced, already dating the wrong person. Wrong because, although he was a nice man, he didn't care about me. Maybe we made each other feel good, we liked the attention we each brought the other, but we didn't care about each other. I met the friend of a lifetime at that point. I met the person I wished others were all through my life. I met the person I always wanted. I met the person who I get up for every morning and whose face is my last thought every night. I met the person who I write these words about. I met the person who I will love every day for the rest of my life, regardless of where he is. I wish you all a blessed New year.

23. That he won't sleep over when my son is home.

Well, my son is 21 years old, I am sure he could handle it. But then again...that would be awkward for everyone. Someone is bound to run into someone in the hall. I want Larry to stay anyway. I want him to stay all the time. I know better, and I know it wouldn't be the best thing, but I want him to be here anyway. Apparently I have no pride. But he will not stay here when my son comes home from school. He does it for me as well as for himself. I guess he has enough respect for all of us, even if I am lacking. Begging didn't work either.

22. He kisses like it was his last ( or first)

The kiss to me is more important than any other part of making love. I am all about the kiss, if it doesn't work, I think its a measure of everything else. I will never forget that first kiss from Larry. Although we had many long conversations, we had actually just met face to face for the first time. He walked a circle around me and before I had a clue what he was doing..he said "lets get the first kiss over with"; and he grabbed me and did just that. I don't know if he did it because he wanted to see if my kisses measured up, or if he was nervous. I will never forget it. I know I didn't give him my best kiss. I was uptight and caught off guard. But I won't ever forget it. He kissed with intensity of someone who thinks it is the last kiss he will ever have. And he kisses that way every time. Every time he kisses me, it stirs my soul just like that first one did. Every time I see him, I feel the same way I did the first time I saw him. I can't wait for that first kiss.

21. That he hasn't lost his faith

Hard times. Everyone has a story. And everyone has a story somewhere in their life that we all "thank God that didn't happen to me". Be it loss of heart or love or family....each devastates its owner. A brothers suicide, a child's illness, the loss of a parent, the loss of a family, a divorce.... We mourn, we cry, we recover. Some move on because time urges them to do so. Some move on for lack of knowing what else to do. Some turn to their faith. That one light remains their flicker of hope. It shines on what is important. It keeps them moving in the right direction, slowly; with the hope that one day the joy in their life will return. Larry wears his solitude like a badge. It is his burden, it is his loss, it is his hope. One by one, they will return to him. In time. I have faith in that.

Happy Holidays to all, and a Blessed New Year !

20 The way he touches me

I have never been a real touchy person. I think that is because I always believed my touch had no effect. I don't know why; being with the wrong person in the past is most likely the cause of that feeling of inadequacy. I always felt like hug, kiss kiss, move on, get it done.....I never really had a person touch me in a way that electrifies my senses. Just a touch , no sex, who would have thought it would bring tears to my eyes. He touches with power. He touches with passion. He touches for no reason other than the sake of touching. The best thing in the world is to be held for no reason, not for sex, not for any reason...just held by someone who wants nothing from you other then to hold you at that moment. To touch you. To touch me.

19 That he offered to go to my office Christmas party

I don't even like my office Christmas party. I work with about 70 people, 60 of whom are women. I go because :

a) I am afraid I will miss something really good, like someone gets drunk and does the gator, or one of my bosses gets photo'd with his tongue somewhere it shouldn't be.

b) I don't want to be the one they talk about...you have to protect yourself by your own presence.

c) Our Christmas bonuses are handed out at the party, I think they do this so we are forced into personally thanking each and every one of the bosses...

But, its free food, albeit the fruitcake of party foods; chicken fingers, artichoke dip and worst of all...CASH bar! I had to pay for the worst wine I ever tasted. It was pink and fruity and tasted like it would have the words berry berry fruit farm and boone on the label.

I do, though, get to dress up, something I love to do but rarely get a chance. I will do almost anything have an excuse to wear high heels, although they come off after about 2 hours of pain. Anyway, Larry so kindly offered to go with me to my party. The party itself is bad enough, but he has never met one soul that I work with. And... knowing that he was just being nice and that I already promised my recently divorced friend I would go with her...he was spared the torture. I know he breathed a sigh of relief when I said he didn't have to. But he offered nevertheless. I wish I had taken him and I wish he had seen me in my pretty high heels. But I love him for offering.

18 That he has beautiful eyes

Larry has the most beautiful eyes. They are clear blue and full of expression. He is a to die for looking man anyway, but those eyes whisper secrets into my mind. True windows to his emotions, I can usually tell his mood instantly by a look through his eyes. They are often sad eyes though. I wish I could have met him when they were eyes that had not suffered loss. I wish I could see those eyes when they fell upon the source of joy and laughter in his life.

17 That he looks damn good in jeans

Well, hey...Larry has followed me to that place that some people unkindly refer to as middle aged. Middle of what, I would like to know. Are they referring to the middle of 3 chins, midline c-section scars, middle of the night trips to pee, middle of the head baldness...what? Some people are able to defy all that gravity; me not being one of them. Larry is lucky like a lot of men, they age so much more gracefully then women. No beer belly on him.... he has no body fat, tight butt and is long and lean. Now, he does have graying hair. His, of course, looks rugged and manly and sophisticated. My lovely grays stand out on my head like one of those searchlights aimed at the sky during a grand opening. They pop up over night, already about 6 inches long. They don't grow any longer; they just remain standing straight up and wiry amongst my otherwise pretty red hair. Thank you lord, that they are pluckable!!! Other than some graying hair, he shows very few age related battle scars. He is a quite handsome man, if I do say so myself. And he still looks soooo good in jeans. Damn good.

16 He braved the annual "The Tree " hunt with me

Larry took me Christmas tree hunting. For some that's not such a big deal. For those like me it requires a xanax or two on the part of everyone involved, a few tears, and a few days of trying to see who can ignore the other the longest. That has been my past experience in Christmas tree shopping. My ex refused to go with me after the second year or so. I went every year thereafter with my sweet son, who patiently humored me with every "its too small, too tall, too skinny, too stupid looking, crooked, fat bottom, not tree shaped enough, and of course too damn expensive" !! He would calmly drop my rejected trees, one after the other, and hoist the next for my hopeful approval. Later we would laugh about it, him not understanding what difference the tree shape makes, and me pretending the trees really were genetically deficient. If it were up to him, he would chose the ugliest, just to be kind to the tree. But this year it fell to Larry, because said son is in college now, Larry is my new favorite man, and he has a truck. We got the perfect tree on the third one he lifted up. I don't think my tree luck was necessarily any better than previous years. I just think the way I look at the trees has changed. I think the way I look at a lot of things has changed.

Softer.

All lit up.