On Fathers Day

I will be out of town with family for the next 10 days, so this will be last post until June 25. Those few who labor to read me, please don't go away forever!
The occurrence of Fathers Day causes me to consider several issues. One, that my son's father has never seen him or spoken to him, much less inquired about his well being. In my sons 21 years of life, his father has made no financial or emotional contribution. That being said, I have never been bitter nor resentful to the fact that as a doctor, he had the financial resources to help, but didn't. Friends have asked why I never sued him for support. At the time, when my son was a baby, I was so consumed in the gift of having a child and all the wonders of it; I just couldn't be bothered with anything that might make it a negative experience. As he grew, we had some rocky times financially. But with family help we always had everything we needed. And there were also emotionally rough times…all those family trees in early school years always demanded explanations as to why our family structure was different then most. But in the end, I had the gift of a child to rise and to love. His father made his choice and that was to not participate. His choice…..he just decided he wouldn't have a son. I often wonder what his life is like now; I think his lack of responsibility must weigh heavy on his heart. Or not.

I watch my best friend L struggle with his life now that his children live several hours away from him. On one hand, I doubt Fathers Day is any different from any other to him. It's another day away from his kids, regardless of the date. I think all a man wants on Fathers Day is more time with his children. But on the other hand, it hurts to think he will spend that day alone, when he should be celebrated as a wonderful Dad. He struggles for his time with them, from the 10 hours of driving to spend a weekend with them, to the serious financial considerations of divorce. But… he is there, as much as possible . He is there for his children for the bad times; when they hate him, misunderstand him, mistrust him, question his faith…..and for the good times; when despite it all they love him deeply, just don't know how to show it without choking on learned pride. A man who is a father, is a father for life. Divorced, married, single, absent…... Each decides what kind of Father he will be. It's the mark of the man.

Waiting

A poem about a recent early morning wait....

I close my eyes, I wait, I wait

To fall asleep, I wait

Until it's time, I wait

To hear your step, I wait,

To feel your breath, I wait

To have your love , I wait

I wait.

Global Warning?

Its so odd, the way there have been so many weather related tragedies the last few days. Here in the South, we have moaned and complained that we need rain and it is too hot. Then I read about the horrors in the Midwest associated with too much rain. Floods, people drowning, levees breaking….makes me feel guilty for wishing for a bit of that rain. I am sure they have wished for some dry heat like the South and east is experiencing…and I see that 17 people have been lost in heat related deaths. And today there is the sad news of the loss of 4 boy scouts in a horrific tornado. It seems there are extreme weather related circumstances going on all over this country. Global warming? We finally had our first drops of rain yesterday, hopefully enough ...but my worries over tomato plants seems so trivial now.

Gifts

This is L's gift to me for my birthday which was this past winter. I knew he was building me an easel...something I have always wanted, but had never quite found the right one, nor one I could afford. I wasn't sure what was taking so long, until I he brought it over this weekend. He made this for me out of some cherry wood that he had in his workshop. The detail in the picture shows beautiful hand-carved pieces of contrasting woods. I know it will eventually be covered in slashes of paint. Although I will try to keep it clean, I know it won't stay that way ..... my coffee table and dining room table, both bear the details of past paintings I have done. I have used everything from my mantel with nails poked in it, to a stool standing on a table to hold my canvases. Now I really feel like an artist, with a custom hand made, hand carved and hand waxed easel. I think this easel is beautiful and is as much a work of art as any canvas it will ever hold. God gives us many talents, from carving and working with wood, to writing and painting. I thank God for his gift to Larry and I thank Larry for his gift to me.







Oh, and did I mention that he bakes ?

Hanging On

Daylilies...........although they are one of the most carefree, near "weed", and prolific multipliers, are one of my most favorite plants. Even the common orange street side variety captures my attention. In China, some varieties of daylilies are used in the kitchen, There is a yellow variety that is considered a delicacy and is used in a type of golden soup. I love to pair orange flowers with blue in the garden. You can see blue plumbago in the background in this picture. The plumbago is struggling; it should be three times as big as it is now. It is struggling to survive from being wintered over, I know its not usually done and is rarely successful, but I can't bring myself to pitch a plant that still breathes. I am coming to realize I am a person who has a hard time giving it up, in all walks of life. I dragged my marriage out till it was painful before I accepted it wasn't going to survive. I can't accept that my son is an adult and does not need me to nurture (torture) him any longer. I struggle to hold on to things way past the end. Daylilies bloom, flourish and die all in one day. It amazes me that something so beautiful yet so simple is here one minute and gone the next. Like people in your life. One minute you hold it in your hand; the next minute it's gone. How about you, do you hold on..... Or do you let go?

The Best Thing About Having a Party

Having a party out of obligation isn't the best thing in the world. In this case, a baby shower. I rarely volunteer for office functions...just because no matter what every one intends; i.e. everyone will chip in, everyone will help clean up, we will all bring something, etc etc....the reality is no one will help you, everyone forgets to bring their food, and you always come up short of money to pay for it. Nevertheless, because the object of this shower has been a great employee and has really helped me out by doing her work, I felt like this was one I wanted to participate in. So, I boldly volunteered my house. Eventually, it gravitated towards my house as well as I make all the food and they pay for it. Which was also fine with me. I am funny about eating food, when I don't know the condition of the kitchen it came out of, nor the habits of the cook. I always discretely ask "who made this" before eating anything that appears at my office. It all worked out pretty well. The best thing isn't that you have an entire house clean at one time. That is really nice, but its less then 24 hours later and it's beginning to get that lived in look already. Also we have torn up 2 closets looking for stuff we hid away while "cleaning". And the best thing isn't you get to keep all the left over food. Truthfully, I really don't want to see any of that food again. I had a difficult time even eating it at the shower; just the 200 hundred bites I sampled while making it all was plenty for me. And it wasn't even getting to keep all the beautiful flowers. I love flowers, and even these that were not my style of pale pinks, have a welcome place in my house.

No, the best part of having a party is having this and coffee for breakfast. Can't beat it.

Going Green

We are going green at my house......trying to anyway. I keep reading how every little bit helps, so we are trying, in baby steps, to be more conscientious in our re-use of stuff. I quit buying paper napkins, and we use cloth. I figure they can be thrown in the washing machine that is being run anyway. I am not quite ready to forgo paper towels though. I use them so much, I don't know what could replace them. I also quit using the grocery stores bags, both paper and plastic. I never could get a clear answer on which had the less negative impact; so I bought the 99 cent reusable bags that most of the stores sell now. I think they should give them to you . You go in and pick up a few things for dinner and WHAM!! ...$100 just like that. The least they could do is throw in a 99 cent bag for free. We have started recycling now that my neighborhood has a good program . I used to generate a lot of garbage. I had to empty my inside garbage bag once every day or so. Now, since we no longer put in glass, cans, or plastic, it takes me a week to fill it up. At least I don't have to take the garbage out as much. But then the whole thing seems futile, when I listen to my air conditioner. I have been home for about 3 hours, have it set on 75..and it hasn't shut off yet. Ridiculous heat. Waste of energy. Can't wait to see what June Alabama Power has in store for me. At least doubled , I bet....sigh.

This was my sons recycle stuff. Mostly soft drinks, which he claims he no longer drinks. These cans he saved from last summer, til he could find a source to recycle them to.

Now this one is mostly my recycling. Strangely, it is mostly beer bottles (not all mine) and Listerine. Go figure.

Todays Before and After

Just pics today...no yakking!!!

Before.....

After.....

Beyond Blogging

I have had so much going on lately, I have not had much time to blog. Also , I just have not had a lot to say lately. Between Son being home and work and summer yard work...time is tight. You notice that 3 months ago, I couldn't wait to "garden". Now I refer to it as yard work. By August I don't even want to look outside; I pine away for winter. To pass the down time I thought I would post a few before and afters. These are of my yard and house and show the changes that have been made over the last year. Todays is the back right corner of my yard. Some of you may not be able to tell them apart...so I labeled them for you!!

Before.......

After......

What I Did on my Summer Vacation... Lovingly!

If you were my washing machine....this is how your world has looked for the past week. Yes, my one and only is home from college! And he brought all his clothes neatly packed in 2 suitcases and a huge hamper; dirty mixed with clean. So, I have done laundry (lovingly) for a week now. I only have a few loads left ; then it will be time to start his weekly laundry (lovingly). He has commandeered my remote for the T.V., and I am sad to say that I can no longer have Top Chef, American Idol, and The Very Real Housewives of New York droning on in my background. Instead, it's Fx and Sci-fi channel and every horror flick that is broadcast. And I try to act interested. (lovingly!) I love having him home and I do cherish every minute. For awhile, he thought he would stay in Nashville for the summer and find a job there. Even though he will be a senior this year, I just wasn't ready for that; I looked at this as our last summer as a "family". Thankfully, he wasn't resourceful enough to find a job and came home. Its had an impact on my relationship with L though, as we (or he I should say, I guess I err on the side of sluts) won't sleep together when my son is in the house. It's just too awkward, I have a very small house, and no kid wants to hear the sounds of his parent in the next room. So, for the first week, we haven't seen each other at all. I have really missed him and missed talking to him. Son went out of town this weekend though, so me and L get to catch up on lost time! Its going to be a long summer!

Mother's Day...

I decided to get my Mom something this year for Mothers Day that she really wanted...books. She loves to read; but she also has trouble sleeping. In her 83 short years she has had her share of tragedy. She lost her husband at the age of 39; with 3 kids, she had never had a job, couldn't even drive a car... she was the last of the true southern belles. I know my Dad thought he took "care" of her by doing everything for her. Little did he know, he should have done more to prepare her to do it on her own. She survived that loss at such an early age, learned to drive within weeks, got a job that she had for over 33 years, and put all three of us through college. She is the Mom of all Moms. I doubt that she knows I feel that way. She recently bore the loss of my brother, to suicide. I thought she would never make it through that. But here she is; never to recover, but able dig down and find the strength to find reasons each day to live. She struggles with sleep though...she resorts to reading to carry her through the nights and save her from her own thoughts. So for Mothers Day this year, instead of the usual clothes or jewelry; I decided to get her lots of books. I hope she enjoys them and I hope she finds peaceful dreams. Happy Mothers day to all you Moms out there. And also to you single dads, some of whom are every bit the greatest parent possible.

Spring

I know I have said it a few times before...but, I love Spring! I don't much care for the heat, but these few weeks before the 90 to 100 degree weather arrives are crucial to my well being. The warm mornings thaw the memories of the cold gray days of winter. The spring breeze blows the new leaves as they seem to dance on the branches that are their stage. My yard is small and young, meaning the previous owner of this house wasn't much of a gardener. This is my second spring here, but I can already see some major changes. I will post some before and afters over the next few weeks.


This is the front of my house 18 months ago. My sister and I were in the process of hanging the lattice to cover the open side of the garage. Note the "square bush" to the right of the front door.


In the spring of last year, I dug up the square bush. It also took a few whacks with a chainsaw to get it out of the ground. Why people prune bushes into squares; I don't know.....I prefer a more natural look (like maintenance free and unpruned!)



This was taken at the end of last summer.....I planted knock-out roses and a confederate jasmine. You can see the jasmine vine at the bottom of the column on the right side. It was about 2 feet tall when I planted it. I also pruned the "corners" off the bushes on the left; they also were squared off and I hated them.

What a difference a year makes! The jasmine has grown that much in less than 1 year! And the blooms perfume the air all around the front of the house. You can't see but in the top corner of the jasmine sits a birds nest. Those eggs should be hatching any day now.

The Birds

I know I have posted a lot of bird pictures lately...but there is something about being able to watch the spring nesters that has really caught my interest this year. I have always had a lot of houses and feeders, etc, but this year I seem to have more birds nesting than usual. This nest is right by my deck where we can sit, drink a beer or two, and watch the daily drama unfold. We watched the male pick out the house ( he had a choice between 4), he courted and then unabashedly mated the female right in front of us. Now they have laid and hatched 2 eggs that we can see. They seem to have gotten quite used to us coming and going and show no fear of our presence. Yesterday we watched the feeding frenzy that goes on throughout the day. This female has made hundreds of trips back and forth feeding her babies and I was lucky enough to catch a wide open mouth in the doorway. You can also see the eyes of the second baby reflecting the light. How cute is that ?

No More Pruning

Every shrub in my yard appears to be a maternity ward....I hear babies peeping whenever I get too close to the birdhouses that are scattered all over my yard, and every bush I look into has nests. It looks like condo city in some of the fuller shrubs. The doves seem to be still sitting on the nests while most of the smaller species have already hatched. The one in the picture seemed totally undisturbed by my presence, so I could not resist getting my camera. I guess my spring pruning can wait a few more weeks.

I know this is boring, but....

BEFORE

AFTER
AFTER

Just a quick update...I have been working on the aforementioned brick work....and I am posting a very poorly shot before and after. It will look better after I have filled and planted it, one hopes, anyway. I have to tell you though, with exception of the hauling, working with bricks and mortar is really fun...a back breaker but fun. I am now planning on devoting some time to new plantings, but NO more major projects. I want time to enjoy my new back yard before it gets to hot to be outside. Then once the heat is back, I plan to start painting again. The best laid plans......

Absence

Sorry for the brief absence; spring has just stepped up to claim her allocation of my time. I have spent my weekends and evenings in my yard. L and I have been working on my storage and garage organizing....it has always been a mess. Soon I will have a workbench, a place for my potting stuff, as well as storage for my tools. Also, I have new yard project which involves bricks and mortar! I will post some pictures of my projects when I can. I am a fan of before and after photos, I think you can really see your results when you study a photo. I just wanted to take a few minutes to explain my absence..I haven't quit my blog, just taking a gardening break for a few days!!!

Family Day

I had a family "party"on Sunday. My family came from various parts of the state for an afternoon of good food, good company and good conversation. We ranged in ages from 23 to 83, with 1 puppy and one blind dog. We laughed the better part of the day, mostly at the puppy. He trashed my house, dug up my newly emerging hostas and ran through my new screen door, but still...I had to laugh! It was a good day.

Two Things

Two things made today a nice day. One...that is a picture of my dining room table. I haven't seen it in quite a while. It has been buried under stuff for most of the past few months. Usually its papers and mail piled up, waiting for attention. Its my filing system; I always know where stuff is..look on the dining room table. Recently, its been buried under hammers and paint cans and
drills; the most recent tools of my spring projects. But, my family is coming to visit on Sunday. We are all meeting at my house for a few hours to have a meal together. My sister, her son, and my mom will drive down from Birmingham; while my niece and her husband will stop on their way home from a wedding in North Carolina. Even though we won't have but a few hours together, I am looking forward to it. This is the first time since I moved into this house that I have had any guests ( in multiple numbers anyway). My whole house, tiny though it is, is clean from top to bottom. Papers have been filed away, taxes mailed, tools put out in the garage....everything is in its place. I hate to admit it, but it has taken me about a week to clean it all up. Its so nice to see my dining room table! The number two thing that made today a good day, is these new dining room chairs. I have been looking for chairs for a long time and these were a great deal. They match my table like they were made together. I feel so much more relaxed when my house is semi orderly. Now, I'm worried about where everything is !!

Pure Joy

I think this is one of those moments when a picture speaks a thousand words. So, all I need to say here is Edy's (Low Fat no less) ...if you love dreamsicles then you will love this. I NEVER thought I would like any ice cream without chocolate in it, on it, rippled through or chunked in. But this, is a bowl full of delight. By the way it makes a great dinner, so it probably would work for breakfast also!

Weekend Project

This was my weekend project...one I have wanted to do since I moved into this house a yea and a half ago. The problem was there was no power in the back yard and i just didn't like the idea of running extension cords under the deck. So a few days ago L put in an outdoor outlet and somehow made there it live with power...now I can plug in mt lights on my umbrella and I finally got to set up my fountain. My Mom gave me this fountain as a house warming present for the first house I ever bought. It got married with me and

traveled to a new house and got divorced with me and traveled to this house. I love the sound of the trickle of water. It is relaxing and the birds love to drink out of it.

Below is a close up, so you can see that he isn't peeing, but holding a fish by the tail...the fish spits the water out. His leg is cracked and I am afraid he won't hold together much longer. But I love having it in my new garden and in whatever condition, he will always be a part of my home...wherever that may be.

Joy of Patience

Patience......I don't have any! Years ago my Mom gave me a start of her plant that she calls Walking iris. It is supposed to like wet feet and bright light. Somehow, despite this, hers thrives in pots in a window rather than outside by a boggy area. That's my Mom's green thumb prevailing! She has always shared starters of her plants with me and my sister over the years. We always "wrote off" her starters because they were always tiny little sprigs of a plant, which sometimes take years to reach a decent size. For someone who loves gardening as much as I do, I am short on patience. I am the type who wants a full mature garden instantly..the day I plant it. I look out everyday to see if the little plants that came out of a one inch cube are now lush and overgrown. I buy the biggest plants I can afford rather then wait a few extra weeks..they always seem the same size if you just save your money and wait patiently for a few more weeks. But the most rewarding of the two is the one you wait for. The one that takes forever to have its first bloom. I have had this small pot of her Walking Iris since I got my divorce and moved into my own home. This is its first bloom. It is a tiny bloom, but magnificent in detail. And there are two more buds, patiently waiting to make an appearance. Patience.

Easter Joy

Sitting out on my deck Easter morning we observed the following progression of pictures. First , he did a fly by of the house, then hopped closer, then was brave enough to look in the door, and finally he entered and made a quick check of the perks of being a homeowner.

And in the end......he got the girl!!

Weekend Joy; A New power Tool

Well, it is really a replacement...my power sander exploded last fall while sanding a butcher block island. It was actually more of a meltdown. So L and I went to Home Depot for spring project supplies; i.e light fixtures for the deck, and a new screen door. He bought me a new sander (which we needed for the door project) that is a few notches better then the one I used to use. The screen door project is one I have been wanting to do for the last year. I love screen doors and porches. Unfortunately I don't have a porch on my little house; my deck is the closest thing I have and I can't do anything about that. But a screen door, well it doesn't really fit the house, but I really wanted one anyway. My bedroom has a door that opens out onto the back deck so it was a perfect place. I love the sound a screen door makes when it slaps shut. There is just something nostalgic about the sound of the spring as it opens followed by the slap of wood when it shuts. Hopefully the weather well allow a few weeks of cool nights before the wicked summer heat starts. With a ceiling fan and screen door, at least I will take a bite out of the air conditioning bill.

Early Morning Joy

Yesterday I bought a new palm at Lowes. They had them on sale for $9.99 and I have an empty corner in my living room that needs a tenant. This morning when I woke up and came in the room, the sun was shining through the door on the palm making the most beautiful patterns. Each frond is a work of art, each different, yet each staying true to form to what nature intended it. After 15 minutes the show was over....the light had crept on across the floor and once again the palm was a palm. Art in a pot.

Today I Found Joy at My own Front Dooor

There are many things wrong with my house. It needs a lot of updating, it had a totally bare landscape when I moved in, it sits underwater after the least amount rain ...all things which eventually I can improve; at least with a little luck and a lot of money and elbow grease! But each morning, all it takes is a glance at my front door and I remember the things I loved about the house when I bought it. Mostly, that its all mine...and mine to make into whatever I want. A home, a retreat, a studio, a workshop, some days its a refuge, some days its a cave, most days its my hidden garden . But this front door is the door to all these havens...it faces the east and every morning reflects the rising sun off its bevels like a hundred prisms. You can't see them in the photo, but the reds and blues make dancing fairies all over the room as the sun makes its ascent. My house is my home and my joy.

Todays Joy: $5.99 Tulips from the Grocery Store

I think I have posted most the topics I can post off my list "100 Things I Love About Larry". There are actually 102 at the moment and it will probably continue to grow and I still have a few more things I want to say about Larry. But many of the topics are just too personal to post for the public to read. Some just too directly relate to his life and I don't want to cross the line of cyber-privacy (although I doubt there is one). The purpose of my writing about him in the first place was a self assigned lesson. Certainly not an original idea in blog-space, it was a transition for me between getting a divorce and merging back into the real world. In a bitter time of accusations and claiming ownership of stuff and bickering phone calls; the best therapy for me was simple joy. For some reason I was not able to find it in myself. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, I have held the same job for many years , I am independent, I am a decent artist.....I am all these things but I still needed someone else to validate me. Larry made it easy for me. He just mirrors me....he makes me see my self for who I am. I love him. I have loved writing about him and each post helps me see what brings me joy in life. And I hope I am not through writing about Larry, not yet anyway yet. I hope there is more time with him. But, I think I need to develop the joys that I find in myself. I need to be able to pull a joy out on my own; when Larry isn't here to show it to me. I think I might have other things to write about. And I want to paint more and maybe share that here. So to the half dozen or so readers out there, if they are still lhere...a little change in format is coming up!

42. That he is so honest

He does tell his truths, no matter how painful they may be. He will not lie to me in order to make me perceive things different then they really are. Which is, eventually, a good thing. I say eventually... right now things could seem better. Life is hard, and our history makes it harder. There is a reason for everything; if we just ever figure out what that is.
And....... well that's all I have to say about this.

41. When he walks in the door from work

Larry doesn't live with me unfortunately; our lives and families dictate that we live some miles apart. He does, however, work daily in my town, so we see each other as often as possible. When I got divorced, I declared that was my last marriage. I decided I could have love and sex without being married. I could have companionship and a partner without being married. I could have someone to go out with and someone to be my best friend without being married. I could have someone to share the world and ups and downs of life with, without being married. I forgot one thing. I forgot about that moment when he comes "home" from work.... that moment when the key hits the lock. (well for us its knock on the door, but still). That moment when you first meet eyes after a day of other distractions and issues. That moment when all seems right with the world. The moment when he comes home.

40. That he fixed my lawn mower

Last year, my Mom gave me her lawn mower. It was almost new, top of the line and pricey as mowers go. She is 83, can run circles around me and loves to work in her yard. But,we decided she was too old to handle a mower, and hired her a lawn guy. So I inherited the mower for my newly acquired little house following my divorce. The mower was as advanced as a car; only problem was I couldn't start it. My ex worked on it a few times and got it so we could run it a little. Enough to get through last summer...part of it anyway.Since then it has sat in my garage, mocking me every time I walked by, laughing that it didn't have to actually do any work.
Every so often, I would give the starter a yank, but...it wasn't having any of that. It became one of those things that really annoyed me. I needed it and wanted it to start when I needed it! But I also have a battle of the budget going on, so I never seem to have the extra money to take it in to get it looked at. Well this weekend we had beautiful spring weather. I worked on my garden wall ivy which is pictured below. I needed to mow some early weeds that were cropping up. Larry tried one more attempt to get it to run! Lots of paper towels later and the smell of gasoline in the air and the sound of a starting lawn mower was as the happiest sound I have heard in awhile! Finally, finally I have my mower and it makes me so happy...I saved some money and I

















have it when I need it ! I looked forward to that trip to the mower shop about like I look forward to a trip to the car mechanic. Step through the door and hear the cha-ching of the cash register; extra charge for being female and knowing nothing about motors! Some jobs are just jobs for men... and motors are one of them !
Now I almost look forward to spring yard work. As soon as my college son gets home for the summer, he has an almost new working lawn mower!!!

39. That he can laugh at the poop talk

Okay...if you can't tolerate bathroom talk, then leave now! If you are young and don't know what its like to need the bathroom NOW, meaning within the next 7 seconds, then you won't identify with this post. If you or someone you know hasn't had their gall bladder removed, then you need not read further. If you have never had a boyfriend who used the words upset tummy (and expected you to do the same) when he really meant gut wrenching involuntary bowel evacuation, then this won't amuse you. If you talk loud so no one else in the room (or across the room) will hear the gurgling sounds coming from your lower belly, then this will be a meaningless post. If you have never turned around and gone all the way back home in between errands, because your lunch has had a full 13 minutes to digst and is readyto show its face again, then you won't get this. And if you have never put a sticker on your butt that read "Danger Zone", then this probably isn't up your alley either. But if you have had gallstones (approx 70 % of women ....female, fat, fertile and forty, is the profile my doc gave me...gee thanks) and have had your gall bladder removed then you can probably relate. And you would really appreciate Larry. He doesn't make me say upset tummy, he lets me say I gotta poo within the next 7 seconds or you will regret it. Because I can do all these things and he understands. And we laugh about it.

38. On a Lighter note.....

I probably shouldn't admit to this one. Larry likes his lager type beers...like Guinness. I am more of wine or girlie martini drinker. I will drink a beer here and there, only if the weather is hot and the beer is icy.This past summer he kept telling me I would have to try Octoberfest when it came out. When it finally hit the store in the fall I bought a six pack to try. Then I bought another. I was under the impression it would be available the whole month of October, so I only bought one at a time. Then one day I went in for my weekly six pack, and ...it was Winter Lager! I got the grocery store man and calmly explained what I wanted. He says "sorry lady, Octoberfest is gone". Gone from your store maybe, I thought, but not gone from everywhere. Next day at work and multiple phone calls later (I hope they don't track) to every wine and beer shop in the state....There is none left! I even called the distributor to see who might have some. Costco! They said Costco had all the remaining stock. I went on my lunch break and there was a whole entire wall of it; stacked to the ceiling, case after case! I only bought 2 cases. My wallet and waist said that would have to last me. I rationed them out through the beginning of November. No other beer has made me quite as happy since. I don't know what it is about the stuff, but..thanks Larry.

37. That he came back for a kiss

This was the aha moment for me, really...It seems to most, I am sure, to be an insignificant moment. But for me it was the moment my heart passed the no turning back point. We had just finished a quick lunch one day. Larry was working and I was off for the day, so we had each arrived in our own cars. He walked me to my car, and we talked a few moments and had a kiss and finally said our goodbyes. He walked across the parking lot towards his truck and I watched him go. That's something I do when people leave, walk or drive away from me...I watch until they are out of sight. I don't know why; maybe in case its the last time I see them and I want to remember it? Anyway, as I watched him approach his truck, he suddenly did an about face, like he had forgotten something. He dodged a car or two, and strode very purposefully back to my car; I was sure he had forgotten to tell me something. But rather than say anything, he just reached through the window and held my face and leaned in for one last kiss. It was fierce. It was a kiss that had purpose. His demeanor was that of "it was something he had to do". He turned and walked away and left for work. I sat in the parking lot for quite awhile.

36. That he loves movies-in-bed-all-day days....

Spring and summer finds me out and about...always some gardening or yardwork to do. My weekends seem filled with chores, allowing little time for passive activity. Cold or rainy days.... those are the days that call me to the bed! Wether storms or cold prevails, I am easily persuaded to pass the time in bed for the day. Down quilts and fluffed pillows, junk food and wine, and movies that just delight the soul! Some people would think that is such a waste of good time. Larry can waste away a day in bed with the best of them. No guilt laid on me from him; or from me either! We haven't had the luxury of many of these days. The darn weather won't cooperate. Its been unseasonably warm so far this winter and we are having a drought, so the stormy days are lacking also. But we had a few worthy of slacking. Both were long lazy days, mixed with naps and sex and movies. We ventured out for food and drink only, and the only chores were starting the washer and dryer. The simple guiltless pleasure, out of place in these days of rushing and constant activities, brings me nothing but comforting memories. I am a cheap date; what can I say??!!?? Cross your fingers for a cold front!

35. That it was easy to think of 100 things I love about him

For valentines Day, I gave Larry the list . The whole list of 100 things I love about Larry. I am not finished posting the list yet, but I thought Valentines day would be a good occasion to give it to him. That, along with the fact that it's been awhile since I traded any gifts on Valentines Day with anyone. Not that the day is of significant importance to me....I would rather have a person who lives their love daily then one who has to be prodded by Hallmark and FTD. Still, it is more fun to be with somone on Valentines Day then to feel like the eyes of the world are looking at you for being alone. And its also fun at work to be the first one to get the roses.


I made Larry a card for Valentines Day. It was my way of saying NO to Hallmark, since the good cards that sing sappy songs were like six bucks! So I made an old fashioned card like I used to do as a child. It was actually fun to use school glue and bits of paper and ribbons. The first one I made had lots of red hearts and lacey edging made out of tissue paper. It looked like one I might have made at the age of 4. Really tacky. My second attempt was a little better, after a trip to Hobby Lobby and spending way more then $6.oo on pretty papers, ribbon, scalloped edged scissors, etc. I tied the list of 100 with a ribbon and tucked it into the heart shaped pocket. He has already seen part of the list, as he reads this blog, but it took him a little while to read through the all 100. Some of them are silliness, some are too personal to ever blog about, and most are meaningless to others. But each of the 100 things I love about Larry, represents the first true love I have ever had. I tried to love and thought I loved, but never with such complete acceptance as now. I love him for his goodness, and love him for his faults; for together they are what makes this man.