"whoever touches us, teaches us....."

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Spring,....come back!!!!

Wait what happened? I turned around and one day it was screen door weather, then it rained a few days, then the nineties arrived with a roar! Now we are besieged with  temperatures that linger in the high nineties all day, so hot  even the early morning air sucks the breath out of you. The beautiful hydrangeas you see here in  the pictures, are now burned around the edges and wilt daily in the sun. The coneflowers seem happy though, and although the leaves and stems are dry and wilty, the flowers bring vivid color to the summer garden. I go through this every year and wonder why? I am not a summer person and never have been. I hate the heat and it brings out the worst in me. It makes me feel bad, mean and ornery. My hair gets dry and frizzy, and the dog continuously drools all over my carpet as he struggles to avoid heat stroke. I check the weather daily in the state of North Carolina and I realize it gets hot there just like every where else. But in the western part, in and near the mountains it seems to always be at least 10  or more degrees cooler than here. yesterday we hit 99, they had a high of 84? Why do I stay here I wonder? What holds me to a city that I was not raised in, that I have never liked and that has nothing here for me or my son. Not saying that I don't like my job and that I didn't meet the love of my life here. But jobs can be found elsewhere. Love can survive a moving van. It isn't as hard as I make it in my head. My worries range from not knowing a soul, to realizing after signing on the dotted line and unpacking that I made a mistake. Selling a house and saying good byes seems like an undaunting mountain of tasks. I know they can each be conquered, one at a time. All this crazy zigzag of thoughts, comes from 30 minutes in the sweltering heat.... cutting and edging the grass. Actually, son cut the grass while I edged. But the years and pounds that I have over him made it much more of a "lets move" moment for me.
So, now just to ponder for a while....move or never cut the grass again?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Where We Land

Some days, this is how life feels...barely surviving. On the other hand, against all odds, apart from the rest, and with very little nurturing...things just spring forth when and where you least expect it. It always seems like at the last minute, something pops up to save me. Or at the last dollar, an unexpected  extra few dollars from an unexpected source. When you think you are all alone in this world, someone makes an unexpected gesture that brightens your day. A small seed is life, no will of its own, but never the less...a life. It had no control over where it landed, where it  would call  home, or what nourishment it would receive. So it grew out of a crack of concrete, hanging sideways out of a wall. It did the best it could with what it had. It didn't flower, but it lived. it made no excuses for not living in the best neighborhood,or having a large income; it did what it needed to do to survive. It clung to a wall and hung on. Just a seed that stuck in the wall. And grew. And made the best of what it was dealt. Isn't this is how we all survive?