"whoever touches us, teaches us....."

Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy 2008

As 2008 quietly arrives, I remember early 2007; I was just divorced, already dating the wrong person. Wrong because, although he was a nice man, he didn't care about me. Maybe we made each other feel good, we liked the attention we each brought the other, but we didn't care about each other. I met the friend of a lifetime at that point. I met the person I wished others were all through my life. I met the person I always wanted. I met the person who I get up for every morning and whose face is my last thought every night. I met the person who I write these words about. I met the person who I will love every day for the rest of my life, regardless of where he is. I wish you all a blessed New year.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

23. That he won't sleep over when my son is home.

Well, my son is 21 years old, I am sure he could handle it. But then again...that would be awkward for everyone. Someone is bound to run into someone in the hall. I want Larry to stay anyway. I want him to stay all the time. I know better, and I know it wouldn't be the best thing, but I want him to be here anyway. Apparently I have no pride. But he will not stay here when my son comes home from school. He does it for me as well as for himself. I guess he has enough respect for all of us, even if I am lacking. Begging didn't work either.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

22. He kisses like it was his last ( or first)

The kiss to me is more important than any other part of making love. I am all about the kiss, if it doesn't work, I think its a measure of everything else. I will never forget that first kiss from Larry. Although we had many long conversations, we had actually just met face to face for the first time. He walked a circle around me and before I had a clue what he was doing..he said "lets get the first kiss over with"; and he grabbed me and did just that. I don't know if he did it because he wanted to see if my kisses measured up, or if he was nervous. I will never forget it. I know I didn't give him my best kiss. I was uptight and caught off guard. But I won't ever forget it. He kissed with intensity of someone who thinks it is the last kiss he will ever have. And he kisses that way every time. Every time he kisses me, it stirs my soul just like that first one did. Every time I see him, I feel the same way I did the first time I saw him. I can't wait for that first kiss.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

21. That he hasn't lost his faith

Hard times. Everyone has a story. And everyone has a story somewhere in their life that we all "thank God that didn't happen to me". Be it loss of heart or love or family....each devastates its owner. A brothers suicide, a child's illness, the loss of a parent, the loss of a family, a divorce.... We mourn, we cry, we recover. Some move on because time urges them to do so. Some move on for lack of knowing what else to do. Some turn to their faith. That one light remains their flicker of hope. It shines on what is important. It keeps them moving in the right direction, slowly; with the hope that one day the joy in their life will return. Larry wears his solitude like a badge. It is his burden, it is his loss, it is his hope. One by one, they will return to him. In time. I have faith in that.

Happy Holidays to all, and a Blessed New Year !

Saturday, December 15, 2007

20 The way he touches me

I have never been a real touchy person. I think that is because I always believed my touch had no effect. I don't know why; being with the wrong person in the past is most likely the cause of that feeling of inadequacy. I always felt like hug, kiss kiss, move on, get it done.....I never really had a person touch me in a way that electrifies my senses. Just a touch , no sex, who would have thought it would bring tears to my eyes. He touches with power. He touches with passion. He touches for no reason other than the sake of touching. The best thing in the world is to be held for no reason, not for sex, not for any reason...just held by someone who wants nothing from you other then to hold you at that moment. To touch you. To touch me.

Friday, December 14, 2007

19 That he offered to go to my office Christmas party

I don't even like my office Christmas party. I work with about 70 people, 60 of whom are women. I go because :

a) I am afraid I will miss something really good, like someone gets drunk and does the gator, or one of my bosses gets photo'd with his tongue somewhere it shouldn't be.

b) I don't want to be the one they talk about...you have to protect yourself by your own presence.

c) Our Christmas bonuses are handed out at the party, I think they do this so we are forced into personally thanking each and every one of the bosses...

But, its free food, albeit the fruitcake of party foods; chicken fingers, artichoke dip and worst of all...CASH bar! I had to pay for the worst wine I ever tasted. It was pink and fruity and tasted like it would have the words berry berry fruit farm and boone on the label.

I do, though, get to dress up, something I love to do but rarely get a chance. I will do almost anything have an excuse to wear high heels, although they come off after about 2 hours of pain. Anyway, Larry so kindly offered to go with me to my party. The party itself is bad enough, but he has never met one soul that I work with. And... knowing that he was just being nice and that I already promised my recently divorced friend I would go with her...he was spared the torture. I know he breathed a sigh of relief when I said he didn't have to. But he offered nevertheless. I wish I had taken him and I wish he had seen me in my pretty high heels. But I love him for offering.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

18 That he has beautiful eyes

Larry has the most beautiful eyes. They are clear blue and full of expression. He is a to die for looking man anyway, but those eyes whisper secrets into my mind. True windows to his emotions, I can usually tell his mood instantly by a look through his eyes. They are often sad eyes though. I wish I could have met him when they were eyes that had not suffered loss. I wish I could see those eyes when they fell upon the source of joy and laughter in his life.

17 That he looks damn good in jeans

Well, hey...Larry has followed me to that place that some people unkindly refer to as middle aged. Middle of what, I would like to know. Are they referring to the middle of 3 chins, midline c-section scars, middle of the night trips to pee, middle of the head baldness...what? Some people are able to defy all that gravity; me not being one of them. Larry is lucky like a lot of men, they age so much more gracefully then women. No beer belly on him.... he has no body fat, tight butt and is long and lean. Now, he does have graying hair. His, of course, looks rugged and manly and sophisticated. My lovely grays stand out on my head like one of those searchlights aimed at the sky during a grand opening. They pop up over night, already about 6 inches long. They don't grow any longer; they just remain standing straight up and wiry amongst my otherwise pretty red hair. Thank you lord, that they are pluckable!!! Other than some graying hair, he shows very few age related battle scars. He is a quite handsome man, if I do say so myself. And he still looks soooo good in jeans. Damn good.

Monday, December 3, 2007

16 He braved the annual "The Tree " hunt with me

Larry took me Christmas tree hunting. For some that's not such a big deal. For those like me it requires a xanax or two on the part of everyone involved, a few tears, and a few days of trying to see who can ignore the other the longest. That has been my past experience in Christmas tree shopping. My ex refused to go with me after the second year or so. I went every year thereafter with my sweet son, who patiently humored me with every "its too small, too tall, too skinny, too stupid looking, crooked, fat bottom, not tree shaped enough, and of course too damn expensive" !! He would calmly drop my rejected trees, one after the other, and hoist the next for my hopeful approval. Later we would laugh about it, him not understanding what difference the tree shape makes, and me pretending the trees really were genetically deficient. If it were up to him, he would chose the ugliest, just to be kind to the tree. But this year it fell to Larry, because said son is in college now, Larry is my new favorite man, and he has a truck. We got the perfect tree on the third one he lifted up. I don't think my tree luck was necessarily any better than previous years. I just think the way I look at the trees has changed. I think the way I look at a lot of things has changed.
All lit up.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

15 That he blew me a kiss on the interstate

Oh I know..mushy, hopeless romantic that I am...a kiss is just a kiss, right? Well I thought it was the mega kiss of all times. We had both left for work in separate cars, headed in the same direction. At the point where I go straight and he turns off, I caught up and passed him, looked over to wave...and he blew me a kiss. Just one little kiss, blown across the traffic lanes of people hurrying along to their daily chaotic lives. It suspended above the highway and fell like dust caught in the light of the sun, straight into my heart. What man thinks of that ?
Some people are just born with a loving heart.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

14 He spent Thanksgiving with me

Not that there aren't worse things in the world...but meeting family can be a really tedious event. My family is pretty easy to "mix" with; we are rich and poor, young and old, semi-sane and semi-looney. We believe that where you came from, what you did, and what you have is not nearly as important as who you are and how you live your life. Who is Larry.....he is the kind of man who made a point of talking to every person in my family, which ranged from 82 year old Mom, my 85 year old uncle, my sister and her husband, various young people who came and went all weekend. After he left, each made a point of telling me how much they liked him, but every one also added what a good conversationalist he is. But his best brownie points were made with the Uncle who served in WWII and found an audience in Larry. When he finished his war story, Larry got up, went over and shook his hand and thanked him for serving his country. Over the last few days I have heard my uncle tell about this moment at least ten times....those few words meant the world to him; he said it was the first time in his life someone had taken the time to say that to him. Later, when I sat and counted my blessings, Larry was right in the midst of "family" for whom I am so thankful ..... every one of them!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

13 Speaking of milk

The other day I was lazing away in the bed and Larry offered to get me a coffee. Which is nice in itself...it was cold in the house and I wasn't fully awake yet. It took him a few minutes to return. Now, you have to realize I am a wussy coffee drinker. None of that unblemished black stuff for me. I have to have it caramel in color and sickeningly sweet with sugar. You could give my coffee to a 2 year old if it had less sugar in it. I usually use a powdered creamer, not because I like it particularly, but because cream and milk make the coffee barely warm. I want it hot and creamy and sweet! So Larry, the ever so thoughtful man that he is...has brought me this great cup of coffee. And what took him so long? He was heating milk for my coffee so it would be the way I like it!
Some people listen and some people don't.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

12 He likes Cheerios

He likes cheerios. I like Honey Nut Cheerios. Its almost the only cereal I eat. I keep a box at my desk because I usually don't have time for breakfast.....that last 15 minutes of womb-like sleep makes me late , scatter-brained and ravenous for the better part of the morning. Cheerios are neat, can be eaten out of your hand, and you can eat the ones you drop on the floor if you get 'em quick enough. Dogs love cheerios, for instant clean up; and they make good ammo for finger flicking across the room at people. You can eat a bowlful or you can eat 3 cheerios. I usually eat them out of the box, because I don't care for milk.
Uh-oh...Larry loves milk, that is number 1 on a new list.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

11 That he loves working with wood

Larry likes to do wood work. I like power tools. In fact, I love power tools. I love my drill, I love my power sander (that recently broke...adding to Christmas wishlist), I like my circular saw though I find it a bit intimidating. I always dreamed of a really great workshop/area where you could really go at it with power tools. I always am working over kitchen counters, trying not to drill through to the laminate, or sawing over the edge of the dining room table.....not the best set up. Larry likes to build stuff and makes beautiful carvings. He knows a little more about what he is doing than I. So I am hoping someday Larry will set up a nice wood shop and I can play with my power tools!!!! We both liked Tinker toys as children, then Erector sets and even Logos. Guess we never stop playing with toys........

Thursday, November 8, 2007

10 That he doesn't freak out when I cry

Lately, I cry a lot. Odd for me, because I have always had somewhat of a tough persona, am fairly independent and I keep my emotions in check. Used to anyway. There's something about Larry that makes me cry a lot. Its certainly not bad things he does. Its more like the sweeter he is or more endearing he becomes, the more it triggers my tear reflex. I cry for his sadness in the changes divorce has brought to him and I cry for the life I wish I had with him. The other night, he was talking to his youngest daughter about his upcoming visit to see her. She asked him if he could spend the night with her at her house (his ex's house). Hours later I was still sniffling. The sweet innocence of a child reminds you how fragile they are, and how they are affected by divorce. They are forever hopeful that the original family will once again dwell together under the same roof. You have to cry for that.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

9 That he let me cut his hair

Maybe you all aren't as picky about your hair as I am...I wince in the salon when the first strand is snipped. I have to watch, no matter how painful. Larry, on the other hand, didn't even ask for my credentials when I offered to cut his hair. He didn't even ask if I had ever done it before. And he didn't even watch in a mirror. True, he has good hair, hard to mess it up I think... unless I had buzzed it into a mohawk. Still, he showed great restraint.... as well as a little trust. And saved $10 and got a not too bad haircut!!!!!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

8 That he wants to build a house with his own hands

I have never had aspirations to build a house. My dream is to renovate one...myself !! My dream house has porches and cedar shingles, stone fireplaces and leaded glass, dormers and windows that let sunlight creep across the dark wood grains....
Larry's dream house is altogether different. His is built with his own hands. He has an interest in some sort of old art of building walls with cordwood/stackwood. It makes a beautiful pattern that looks sort of like stone. Apparently one can build this house for a fraction of the usual costs. I went so far as to look at some pictures of houses other people have built. One was built with blue glass bottles laid into the walls in a pattern. They catch the light and reflect in a dazzle of blue stars across the wall, like looking into the heavens. I can only imagine the satisfaction that building your own house would bring. An endeavor that would likely have lots of uh-ohs, but would ultimately result in a piece of architecture that is made up of your mind , body and soul. That's what dreams are; its who we are, where we are going, and the hope that takes us there. (picture courtesy of daycreek.com)

Friday, November 2, 2007

7 That he folds his dirty clothes

Now, don't think for one minute I mean he folds his dirty clothes...just at my house. He doesn't throw them on the floor, he folds them into a tidy little pile and leaves them sitting on the foot of my bed. Adding a few more items to a load of laundry is nothing to me. Actually, laundry is one of the chores I kind of like to do. I love taking warm fresh smelling clothes out of the dryer and I like hanging or folding them neatly. I really like doing it for him. There is rarely opportunity to "do something" for him, so this chore I relish. Those folded dirty clothes left on my bed are my assurance that he will return again, once more giving me a chance to wash, dry and fold him into my life.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

6 That when he saw me naked for the first time he didn't wince

Ahhh, youth.....Just you all wait. It creeps away in the still of the night and you wake up one day, look in the mirror and "EEEEEEK, what happen ? And worse, my God how am I going to cover that up, lift that up and squeeze all that in ?" An unrecognizable face looks back at you, but Cover Girl can fix that. A little here, a lot there, makeup can illuminate even the most disastrous age related mishaps. But the body....here lies another story. You have never experienced fear itself until you get naked for the first time for a new man. What is it with men, they hardly change at all; maybe a few pounds or a hairline recedes....but at least they don't have body parts that are non-resistant to gravitational pull of the earth. I started out getting in bed with pj's on, then I graduated to dropping my drawers by the side of the bed and hopping in in one swift motion ( and in the dark mind you). I have now comfortably arrived at a place where I don't worry as much what I look like, although I still can't parade around naked ....maybe if I had a few martinis in me!
But Larry acts like he sees me as I was when I was 30. I had a pretty good body then, along with flaming red hair. I was confident in myself. I still have the hair (thank you God for not making me go bald, even though you gave me a few greys) but the body gave up the ship after pregnancy. I expected horror on Larry's face or at least a preference for lights out...but he looks at me like he sees the glorious me of my younger days. He watches me, both when I am clothed and not. And he never misses a chance to tell me I am beautiful. But more than that he treats me beautifully as well. He looks into my eyes when he talks to me and he touches me incessantly. He has found a much nicer person than the one I was when I was 30.
....Now, to the treadmill !!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

5 That he hangs out in the kitchen with me

A lot of my time with Larry is "spent with food". We both are Food Network addicts, I love to cook, he loves to bake, and I spend entirely too much time talking about food. I have an unending need to hear what he had for his past meals when we are apart. He can't just tell me he had a ham sandwich; I have to hear what went down first, mayo, then cheese, what kind?...gouda, havarti, tomatoes, what kind of onions, was it drippy, was it GOOD??? When my only son went away to college, I called him almost daily to ask what he ate. I thought that if he was eating, that meant he made his way to the dining hall, and that he must be safe and happy.
But what I really like is that Larry will pull up a stool and sit and watch me cook... chatting, sometimes grabbing me for a kiss between chopping and stirring. I love to cook anyway, but putting out daily meals can become pure drudgery. My kitchen used to be a place for chores, but now it has its own stories to tell. I would never have dreaded cooking when I was married before, had I had a partner who shared it with me like this. I would have been cooking breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least 2 snacks in between!!! I think you can learn the whole being of a person from the way he deals with food. You can nurture a mound of dough into a warm sweet loaf, or you can by a loaf of white bread. This man is whole wheat with honey.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

4 That he made me bread

One of my fondest memories will always be one morning when I left my house for work. Hanging on my garden gate was a simple grocery bag. Wrapped in many layers of foil was a loaf of homemade bread. A simple loaf of bread.....but I saw it as a profoundly tender gesture; to make bread for someone is such a personal act. I never knew a man who could even make bread much less share it with me ! I saw it as not just as a gift of bread, but sharing a moment of ones life. It was an act that brought joy to my life. That loaf of bread was better than any gift that any amount of money could buy. That was the day I realized that I loved Larry. I don't for one minute confuse a loaf of bread with an act of love. But I see in that bread what I need in a man...warm, simple and true; nourishment for the heart and soul.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

3 How much he loves his kids

Now, you might say...every man loves his kids... true enough. But Larry loves his kids on a level I see rarely in a man. Most men have a tendency to not show devotion to their children. Maybe because he feels he has "lost" them in a sense; since his divorce his time with them is limited to the every other weekend thing. That's not enough for him ...he cherishes every minute he has with them, then spends the next two weeks missing them after they are gone...then starts it all over. His heart is broken over it. I don't want to lose him, but the day will come when he has a chance to be closer to them. And at least I can know, that while my heart will be broken; his will be mended somewhat. And that will be good.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

2 That he is so kind

Larry is the kindest man I have ever met. Even in anger he has a tendency to end it on a kind note, usually accepting whatever blame himself. I have never heard him be accusing nor mean spirited. I have never heard him say "I hate ..." He always has something good to say about everyone, even those who no longer deserve his kindness. He is a good man. And the longer I know him, the more I find kindness in myself.

Monday, October 22, 2007

1 That he is so articulate

I met Larry basically through email. We corresponded for many weeks while I was spiraling down in a dead end relationship with someone else. After recently divorcing, I was quite afraid of that first encounter so I insisted that we learn about each other through many emails, which soon progressed to instant messaging.. .What I noticed first about him , although it seems trivial to most; was that he has an extraordinary ability to write his thoughts. His thoughts flowed to paper effortlessly, grammatically correct and even better..NO misspelled words... I loved that!!!! Never at a loss for words, he talks and writes with great command of the kings English; an attribute hard to find these days.

Friday, October 12, 2007

The First Entry

Everyone else seems to be reading and writing blogs these days, so I think I will give it a try. I sit trying to conjure up some titillating subject matter; something that will attract some of those readers away from the competition. Perhaps a story of my 54 year old life....if I use my most vivid imagination, I might be able to come up with enough fictitious literature to interest a few boomers. Actually, the original reason I started this was just to check it out. I want my best friend to start a blog. He has a topic that I think will be interesting to a lot of people. He also has a gift of putting his thoughts onto paper. He claims to know nothing of blogs; so I am checking out this seemingly simple auto-blog that is mistake and excuse free. I will continue to post on my blog about him not doing his blog, until he actually begins his blog. Since the beginning of this paragraph, I have decided to write my blog about this man. Nothing that will identify him or embarrass him. Well...embarrass him maybe. He doesn't know that on my computer in my living room, I have been composing a list; "100 Things I Love About Larry". I think I am up to near 50. I limit myself to adding no more than 1 a day. I started it back when I first met him and knew that I would eventually love him. So, here I will present all "100" to anyone who is interested....1 thing I love about Larry for each post. I wish that I had started this blog when I started the list, but I will do my best to recall what provoked each thought. Maybe it will make some of you think about what you truly love about those around you, and maybe you will share your list with that person or with these readers!