"whoever touches us, teaches us....."

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

31. the way you look on your motorcycle

The first time I saw Larry on his motorcycle, I didn't recognize him. He had told me that he owned a bike, but I just didn't pick up on it for some reason...scary thoughts maybe? So I was meeting him for coffee one morning and was sitting and waiting for his truck to pull up. A motorcycle pulled up and the guy started messing with his stuff...you know, the helmet, gloves etc. He was head to toe in black leather, really sexy but at the same time a scary motorcycle dude; don't stare at him!!! I watched a few minutes until he finally got that helmet off, climbed off the bike and looked up and smiled at me. For once I wished there was a crowd watching to see who he came to sit with...me! He looks gorgeous all the time anyway, but there's something about a guy on a motorcycle....It's like a uniform; they always say women love a man in a uniform. Maybe he can drag out his old navy uniforms? I think I will just settle for the leathers!

Monday, January 21, 2008

30. That he accepts responsibility for family issues

You know, it took me near a year before I quit blaming my ex for most of the issues which led to our divorce. I still like to throw the really nasty stuff into his corner. The issues I have finally accepted as my own fault ( and there are many), have become lessons for my future life. As I live and breath, I will never try to change a man again, I will never feign indifference as a way to get even, and I will never underestimate the lack of faith in one partner.
Larry has always accepted responsibility for his divorce, as well as for the issues that led to the disintegration of his relationship. Even the parts that aren't exactly his burden to bear, he accepts. The anguish of losing influence over his children is taking a particularly heavy toll. He struggles with his guilt as his family loses their way and struggles with their faith. He blames the misguidance of the children on his absence. In truth, it is probably lack of guidance of any kind, rather then misguidance. In truth, most young adults go through a period in their lives when they reject most everything they have been taught; spirituality, politics and morals. Its part of growing up and accepting your own responsibilities. You must have faith that they will come back to what you have taught them. You must have faith in the groundwork that you laid. You must have faith that the doctrines they have adopted are not truly the ones in their hearts. They are just the walls they build to protect them from pain and loss. Walls can be knocked down.

Friday, January 18, 2008

29. the way he looked sitting at breakfast this morning

Some people don't fare so well first thing in the morning. I usually need some time to wake up so my eyes both open together, put on a bit of makeup and brush my hair, which tends to get wild during the night. I think my hair must go off on its own and party all night because in the morning it always looks like it has been out on a binge. This morning we sat over breakfast of coffee, toast, and bacon ...what could possibly be better in the morning? (Sex maybe?.... but still with coffee, toast and bacon.) I looked across the table to see Larry sitting there, the morning light still soft, but those eyes of his were radiant. He looked so good. I sat there, urging myself to tell him. But I sat there in silence. What is WRONG with me, that I let an opportunity go by to tell some one I love how beautiful he looks??I thought all day about why I didn't say something; he would have said it to me and does many times. He always has the right words, asks the right questions...but I blew a simple chance to tell him something that was true and nice. So, I am so sorry Larry. You looked wonderful this morning sitting at my table in the soft morning light. I wish I had told you so. You looked damn good.

Monday, January 14, 2008

28. He let me go through his stuff

When people are sick and don't feel well they will generally let you do anything. Illness just demands that you be easily manipulated....not enough energy to protest! And given he has spent a week or so in bed, there was laundry and cleaning to be done at my friends house. I did ask permission first....Urged Larry to dose up on NyQuil and had fun cleaning. I cleaned and vacuumed, and being fastidious as I am, did some major reorganizing. If you are going to clean shelves, you have to empty them first, right? And go through everything? All kidding aside, I really didn't snoop unnecessarily. And I didn't find anything much to go through. Bits and pieces. So either there are no goods (unlikely) or the evidence is well stashed (likely). But the point was, Larry didn't once come out to check on me or sneak up on me to see what I was doing. I think in all honesty, he felt too bad to care. But, I would rather think that the boundaries of his life are widening.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

27. That he tells me stories about his life

I love to listen to Larry tell a story. Especially if it is one about his own experiences. He is a good "one time when......" person. Sometimes his stories are just simple expressions of something he remembers from his childhood. Like something his Mom used to make for him to eat or something he and one of his brothers did. Its funny how you remember what you ate when you were a kid. I don't remember a whole lot about when I was really young, but I think I remember everything I ate. My favorite treat as a kid was a saltine cracker with a marshmallow on it, then you run it under the broiler til browned to your satisfaction. It works with stale mini-marshmallows if that's all you have (and you have been on a diet for 2 weeks).
Back to the topic......Some stories from his many years in the Navy. They are usually the more reckless things he did in life but he tells them without regret. Many of his stories are from his pre-divorce days, stories about living as part of a huge family. Over all, they are the stories of his life. They are the bits and pieces of who he is. When he shares them I feel like he is filling me in on what I have missed so far. I hope I don't miss anymore.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

26. That he shares what I am drinking

I love it when he shares whatever I am drinking. I always offer to get him whatever he wants. Sometimes he won't say no to his Guinness, and its not likely for me to be drinking beer. Unless its Sam Adams in October, but thats a whole different love story. Anyway, if he isn't in a beer mood, often he will just sip on my glass of wine or whatever I have. Its funny that such a little "thing" would seem so intimate. To one person, it might seem like nothing, but to me it is very warm and personal. It is a comfort to pass the glass back and forth. Maybe its just a reassurance that " I like what you like". Share my drink, share my life, share my love.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

25. For no reason

Really I couldn't figure out the title of this one. The truth of the matter is I love Larry for who he is ( I heard that e-harmony man on the TV ad one too many times) and what he has and what he does and nothing more. I think back on my "love" for my ex husband. I think I really loved him for what I thought he could have been. He could have dressed better, acted nicer, had a nicer house, been a little softer around the edges. I thought I could fix all those things. Then he wouldn't have been him though would he. I have to accept some responsibility for the demise of that union. Larry though.... is different. He has some life circumstances that put him in some very tough living conditions. He deals with it all as best he can. But he doesn't let his problems define the man that he is. You know what you are getting and I love him for who he is. Just like he is.... no frills. He is perfect.

Friday, January 4, 2008

24. That he always tells me that I look pretty

Even when I know I can't possibly....even when I know I ate 3 dozen cookies in the last week and must have gained 5 pounds......even when I had to have a jazzy new haircut, but couldn't wait for trained professionals, so I cut it myself (jazzy doesn't quite describe)......even when I had a bad spell and didn't sleep for 5 days in a row....even when I forget I am wearing my red with rhinestone drugstore readers (hey that was all they had)....he always says "you look so beautiful". I believe it every time.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

New years Day...sorry Larry, this one's not about you!

On New Years day, I always take down my Christmas tree. As I was undecorating and packing ornaments, it occurred that my ornaments tell a brief story of my life. My earliest ornaments from when I first lived on my own, are no longer in existence; undoubtedly rejects and cheap hastily bought decor that only lasted a few years. When I first began to take Christmas decorations seriously, I began investing in expensive Radko ornaments. They are hand made, exquisite and run $40 to $75 each. In those days I had money to waste on ornaments and no children to destroy them.
Then I had a baby, and the yearly "look what I made for you" ornaments began. Marked by that years smiling face, they are the most precious of all my keepsakes. I hang these all at the front of the tree, where I see them every time I pass. Next, the annual ornament choices turned to what a young child would select. Santas, stuffed ornaments, many animals. These represent a mishmash of thoughts in a childs head!
Through the lean years of being a single mom, I would paint or make ornaments. I thought they looked pretty good mingled with the $50 ones...they look better buried behind the lights and branches! I still hang them, but towards the back! Then I got married. For some reason every ornament I bought or someone gave to me, was representative of my life. The red truck , to mirror our red pickup, the blue boat we fished in, lots of fishing ornaments, even a few camouflage for my husband (now my ex ). I hang them all in the back...the camo one I left behind.

I don't even want to guess what period of my life these ornaments represent....all food items; go figure!!

This year I added a Christmas pickle ( for good luck) and a tomato because I like tomatoes??

Packed away til next year...I can only wonder what I will add next year! The Best of New Years to All..and thanks to all my new blog friends for the input and comments!