"whoever touches us, teaches us....."

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Fathers Day....Not

Every Fathers day I think of all the hard working dedicated Dads out there, who do the right thing as best they can. Some  have a happy family life, some, not so much...some married, some divorced, but to all the Dads who participate in their children's lives, in any way shape or form...I commend you. And to you I hope you have a day filled with love.To the ones who chose to turn their backs, well I just hope you get your armpits infested with bedbugs. And I mean the ones who decided not to be a dad, just to walk away. I hate to write such thoughts on a day we should honor, but this is for the ones who didn't try, who never bothered, who didn't care. For the twenty five years my son has been around, Fathers Day was a tough day for him. I always assumed it was a tough day for his runaway dad as well. He had his reasons, his demons, his fears, he made his choice not to be a parent. I used to think it must hurt him  every year, every birthday, every Fathers day. He could have changed his mind any time, he could have called, he could have sent a fifty cent card....he chose to do nothing. I never asked him for anything, he had nothing to fear but a little boy who wanted him so bad.

For twenty five years I defended you to your son, I protected your image, I told your son that you loved him and that you would be here if you could.
I told him you would have  answered his letter that he wrote you at four years old, if you could have. He signed it," Luv yur sun, james". Four. He was four years old..
I told him it was hard for you to be away from him, but that you had to do what you had to do, and that you missed him.
I told him you would have been proud of  him for winning the cub scout pine wood derby, with a car we cut with kitchen knives.
I told him you would like to have taken him camping.
I told him you would have been proud when he graduated with a 4.5, third in his class.
I told him you would have loved that he went to your alma mater,and he even lived in one of the same dorms buildings as you.

In the last few years, we quit talking about you.  He gets it now.

So to all you Dads out there who don't accept their obligation to be Fathers to their children...it doesn't take much, a lot less than you think. All they want, is to know you love them.


Vicki Lane said...

Good post -- but I'm sorry you had to write it.

Red Shoes said...

I SO understand what you have said here...

One of the few things that I do believe I have done well is be a Father AND a Dad to my kids.

I can't imagine how empty my Life would be.

My children have told me that I have been the one consistent parent in their Lives...

I remember when my daughter was getting married... she wanted me to come down and help with preparations for the days leading up to the wedding, not her Mom... who almost missed her daughter's wedding.

I love you, GirlShoes and BoyShoes...


Day Traveler said...

You know, there are times when I feel like I have abandoned my children. Yeah, I spend time with them when I can, send them birthday cards, write them letters occasionally and help them financially when I can but in the dark moments of my soul I do understand what my ultimate responsibility always was. Sometimes it feels as if I've negated the blessings given me by God, by my own hand. Honestly, I regret my actions as a participant in the divorce. Of course for the death of that relationship where two had become one flesh, but mostly because of the pain that I caused my children. As I sit and write this, my throat constricts and water wells in my eyes. I love them all so much that it hurts and my heart fills with regret and loss.

Surely your son's father must feel something akin to this. How can any feeling human not? In the end it's his loss. Your son is a bright, interesting, funny young man and a real joy to be with. I know some of what he must feel about a non-existant relationship with his own father. You learn to live with it but you always feel a certain emptiness because of it.

If things had been different in our lives. I guess we will never really know.

I just want to say that I would have been proud to have had the opportunity to help raise your son.

100 Thoughts of Love said...

and he would have definetely been a better man for it; although I think he is pretty cool too....And no I think you are wrong, i don't think his father feels any of that...iof he did he could have done something about it, he's had 25 years to ponder it. For some, its out of sight, out of mind, too easy to walk away. I hate that you suffer so, but am glad that you are the kind of man who feels the pain.

secret agent woman said...

Some people, men and women, choose to walk away from the single most important thing in their lives. It's sad.

Artfulife said...

So sorry that you have had such a rough go of it. Sorriest for your son. I am sure he has learned so much from this experience & will do things very differently with his own children someday.